1. Please don't sit next to me. Please don't sit next to me. Please don't–
There's nothing worse than sharing a small seat with a smelly old man for 45 minutes. Say a few Hail Mary's and hope he walks past you.
2. This ain't American Idol, but I'm sure as hell gonna sing my heart out to every song on my 'driving' playlist.
3. No one wants to hear your OKCupid account details on the morning train ride.
4. If you forgot your headphones your whole day is going to be shitty.
How else will you ignore your surroundings now?
5. Feeling so successful when the Subway doors open right in front of you.
6. Holding mini memorial services for the roadkill you find on the side of the road.
7. Hoping you don't run into the Rat King.
If you don't know what it is don't look it up. Just know you'll never want to see it in person.
8. Hating every drunk and obnoxious sport fan on the train ride home.
9. Look how cutE THAT BABY IS
10. Someone shut that baby up.
11. Green means go. Yellow means drive faster so you don't get a camera ticket.
12. The Olympic race that happens when the track number of your train is announced.
13. Contemplating parking illegally since there's literally NOWHERE to park.
Having a job > getting a ticket
14. Trying to memorize the ads in the Subway car so you don't have to make eye contact with the person across from you.
Wow, this ad for breast augmentation is so interesting! I think I'll read it forty-seven times!
15. Reading the Yik Yaks from every town you pass through on the train.
16. Every old person should have to take their driver's test again at the age of 65.
Grandma Suzy doing 15 in a 40, I'm gonna finish my college education before she gets to the super market.
17. Perfecting your resting bitch face so no one bothers you on the Subway.
18. Whatever you're selling. Nobody wants to buy it.
Religious magazines. Mixtapes. Fruit snacks.
Just leave me alone.