Epcot Centre’s Twitter Is The Funniest Thing You’ll Read All Day

Yes, this is a parody account. But whoever is behind it deserves to be Epcot’s social media manager ASAP.

1. Public Health is their #1 priority

3. They give great relationship advice

4. They answer fan questions

Q. What steps have you taken to reduce Epcot's carbon footprint? - Brent (Tucumcari, NM) --- A. We switched to those weird light bulbs.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

Q. I lost my blood pressure pills at Epcot & park employees found them for me. Thank you! - Marta (Rifle, CO) - A. That's not a question.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

Q. How much does it cost to park at Epcot for the day? - Denny (Strawberry Point, IA) --- A. $14. Hope you can scrape it together, Denny.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

9. They enforce the rules

If you want to feed a bag of Ruffles to some seagulls, please do it on your own property, not ours. Thank you.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

We close at 9:30 on weeknights. 9:30 means 9:30. It doesn't mean 9:35 or 9:50.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

Please don't wear jeans with holes in them at Epcot. This is a family theme park, not some kind of acid rock concert.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

We have lots of rules at Epcot because we care about safety. If you don't like our rules you can just stay home as far as we're concerned.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

You can't bring your dog into Epcot Centre unless you can prove you are blind.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

14. They do trivia - with awesome prizes!

The first person to answer today's #Epcot trivia question correctly will win a 2014 Chevy Malibu!

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

Here is today's #Epcot trivia question. Who was the President of the United States when Epcot opened in 1982?

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

Unfortunately, no one answered today's #Epcot trivia question correctly. The Chevy Malibu will be sold at auction.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

17. They know what the holidays are all about

We like to think the brave man and women who founded the Plymouth Colony in 1620 would have loved Epcot.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

Just as the Jews rededicated the Second Temple in the 2nd century BC, Epcot is rededicating itself to terrific customer service! #Hanukkah

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

There is no better place to celebrate a birthday, an anniversary, or early release from incarceration than Epcot.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

Our ass't. general manager fractured his shin kiteboarding, so now I have to work all weekend. I haven't even started my Christmas shopping.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

21. They share big news about the park

Exciting news! We might be opening an Epcot Centre in Vietnam if they ever get their act together over there.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

Epcot will close at 1:00pm next Thursday because our general manager, Brian, has to have oral surgery.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

Despite rumors to the contrary, @Susan_Lucci has NOT officially agreed to host our New Year's Eve concert.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

We are delighted to unveil our newest attraction here at Epcot.

— Epcot Centre (@EpcotCentre)

Follow @EpcotCentre for more hilarious tweets. For your daily dose of mundane observations and droning sports commentary that is likely irrelevant, follow the guy who introduced these amazing tweets to me, @dammit_ben.

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