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Stages Of A Situationship

A three week love story.

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We can all agree that dating in today’s times blows. Then again, I don’t think dating has ever not been a bitch, no matter what generation you’re from. However, this one’s for my millennial peeps trying to maneuver app-dating without ending up on the I.D. channel. There is a new breed of fuckboy out, and he is having his cake and eating yours too. They are master manipulators and will flip the script on you t-minus immediately. I have seen and experienced the same 3 week situationship over and over.

Week 1:

You’re already 3 dates in, and miraculously have all this free time to hang out with him. *cough, cough and side eye from your friends* The two of you have a ton in common and commiserate on the bullshit that is dating in 2017. All of your friends know about him, have crept his life, and given you their blessings (unless they’re a hater). Once you get to the weekend, he meets you out while you’re with your ladies and everyone has a great night. Your night was best of all because you went home with him, ya whore. Sunday afternoon shows up and you’re still in bed with this dude, waiting on Uber Eats to show up. A perfect end to a perfect week, with the seemingly perfect guy.

Week 2:

Again, you have an exponential amount of free time, and your friends have no idea where you found it. With this open schedule, you and your new potential soulmate create plans that are a mix of going out and hanging at each others apartments. Cute. At this point, he starts doing nice little things, the type that show he’s listening and paying attention to you. He is eager to see you and is willing to go out of his way to do so. When you are in public he is affectionate and sure to make it clear that you all are together. By the weekend, you feel solid that could be a thing and delete your dating apps. Throwing all the eggs in this basket, smart move.

Week 3:

Repeat the beginning of week two as your new normal, and start thinking “we”. You are happy with where dating him is going, but want to be sure you are both on the same page. In the interest of not wasting your time, you decide to talk to him about his thoughts on being in a relationship in the near future. In an unexpected turn of events, he “whoa, whoa, whoa’s” the fuck out of you and passionately expresses that he is uninterested in anything serious anytime soon. This my friends, is when you, confused, ask him what you guys have been doing up until this point. Wondering why he would invest as much time and effort as he did, for a girl he’s just trying to bang periodically. You never asked to be treated like his girlfriend, you went along with the vibes he was giving, and now he’s acting as if you’re pressuring him into a relationship. After that, you’re confused af and decide to give him space and come to you. He doesn’t. Then you decide to be an adult and text him, to which he replies with an emoji. Cool. It has been made quite clear that he is not about this situation anymore, and now you have to explain to all your friends who liked him how he aint shit.

"What a time to be alive." -Future

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