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30 Things Women Are Tired Of Reading On Men's Dating Profiles

Reasons to stay single.

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1. "I love to make the most of what this great city has to offer!"

Who knows what the "countless possibilities" these guys are "enchanted" by involve, but it's probably not Pret, packed pubs, and nightbuses.
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Who knows what the "countless possibilities" these guys are "enchanted" by involve, but it's probably not Pret, packed pubs, and nightbuses.

2. "My friends would describe me as a fun and easygoing kind of guy."

Nobody's going to call you a twat to your face.
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Nobody's going to call you a twat to your face.

3. "I spend a lot of my spare time going to gigs, galleries, and museums."

If this were true the Tate would be a total sex-fest.
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If this were true the Tate would be a total sex-fest.

4. "I just don't know what to write here!"

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Come back when you do, Marlon Blando.

5. "I like '80s and '90s films, but ironically, of course."

Stop making shit excuses for the fact that you've not been arsed to engage with cinema since Home Alone 2 came out.
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Stop making shit excuses for the fact that you've not been arsed to engage with cinema since Home Alone 2 came out.

6. "I go to the cinema, mostly to see independent films."

Shout out to the Prince Charles cinema, which is a popular name to drop, but we know you saw The Hobbit at a Vue last week.
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Shout out to the Prince Charles cinema, which is a popular name to drop, but we know you saw The Hobbit at a Vue last week.

7. "Sunday mornings are spent making breakfast and reading the paper with sunlight coming through the window."

Not hate-watching Sunday Brunch in your trackies?
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Not hate-watching Sunday Brunch in your trackies?

8. "I like to get out of the city for long walks in the country."

Once every 18 months, tops.
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Once every 18 months, tops.

9. "Sundays are for eating a cheeky roast dinner in the pub."

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Back-chatting small children are cheeky, Kim Kardashian's Paper magazine cover is cheeky. Expensive, oven-cooked meat and vegetables are not, although thanks for that one-word reason to block you.

10. "Autumn is my favourite season."

Yeah, you and this guy.
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Yeah, you and this guy.

11. "I love to meet new people."

Nobody likes asking yet another person if they have siblings and where they grew up. You're hawking your smizing mug on a dating site so that you can stop meeting new people.
Getty Images D. Anschutz / Via thinkstockphotos.co.uk

Nobody likes asking yet another person if they have siblings and where they grew up. You're hawking your smizing mug on a dating site so that you can stop meeting new people.

12. "I'm open-minded and not overly picky, but..."

Yeah, yeah, you only want to go out with intelligent, attractive women with big tits who'll laugh at your shit jokes and like to eat brunch or read the (broadsheet) paper before seeing an independent film or exhibition.
Getty Images/iStockphoto Vasilisa_k / Via thinkstockphotos.co.uk

Yeah, yeah, you only want to go out with intelligent, attractive women with big tits who'll laugh at your shit jokes and like to eat brunch or read the (broadsheet) paper before seeing an independent film or exhibition.

13. "I don't really have a type..."

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...but I only want to go out with intelligent, attractive women with big tits who'll laugh at my shit jokes and like to eat brunch or read the (broadsheet) paper before seeing an independent film or exhibition.

14. "Nights in are spent watching a good Scandi drama or reading Murakami."

Because it's always Murakami. You won't be able to hide that Don't Tell the Bride and Dan Brown habit forever.
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Because it's always Murakami. You won't be able to hide that Don't Tell the Bride and Dan Brown habit forever.

15. "There is more to me than 1252 characters."

You hope.
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You hope.

16. "I am well-travelled and have a serious wanderlust."

You did a gap year trip to Australia in 2002 and dream of seeing the Northern Lights, do you?
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You did a gap year trip to Australia in 2002 and dream of seeing the Northern Lights, do you?

17. "I love to wander around a good farmers' market at the weekend."

Go on, tell me what vegetables are in season now. Oh, you mean, you only eat and Instagram £7 burgers at said farmers' market?
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Go on, tell me what vegetables are in season now. Oh, you mean, you only eat and Instagram £7 burgers at said farmers' market?

18. "I'm a happy-go-lucky kind of guy."

Admitting you are pretty much indifferent to everything is not the way to a woman's heart.
Getty Images/iStockphoto Marc Dufresne / Via thinkstockphotos.co.uk

Admitting you are pretty much indifferent to everything is not the way to a woman's heart.

19. "I'm looking for someone I can have a bit of banter with."

Said every lad from Clapham who wants to take the piss out of you to make himself feel superior.
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Said every lad from Clapham who wants to take the piss out of you to make himself feel superior.

20. "I enjoy staying in and going out."

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Also known as existing.

21. "I'm intelligent and engaged with current affairs."

If that meant more than "I scan the headlines on the Guardian website and tweet a half opinion on my favourite", you'd probably be able to think of something more intelligent to say than that.
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If that meant more than "I scan the headlines on the Guardian website and tweet a half opinion on my favourite", you'd probably be able to think of something more intelligent to say than that.

22. "Hopefully we can have a bit of fun together."

Perhaps there's merit in someone who pretty much admits that they're only after two dates and a shag. Perhaps.
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Perhaps there's merit in someone who pretty much admits that they're only after two dates and a shag. Perhaps.

23. "My job is very rewarding."

Acting like a worthy fucker won't kid anyone into thinking that you don't hate your job.
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Acting like a worthy fucker won't kid anyone into thinking that you don't hate your job.

24. "I mostly spend my time socialising."

This is the "I actually spend all my time getting pissed" admission that exposes "gigs, galleries, farmers' markets, and independent cinema" as total lies.
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This is the "I actually spend all my time getting pissed" admission that exposes "gigs, galleries, farmers' markets, and independent cinema" as total lies.

25. "I enjoy the gym and keeping fit."

You may as well list eating and sleeping alongside the necessary evil of exercise if there is this little about you that's interesting.
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You may as well list eating and sleeping alongside the necessary evil of exercise if there is this little about you that's interesting.

26. "All my friends have coupled off, so I thought I'd give this online dating malarky a go!"

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Please save your bitterness until at least date five.

27. "I used to play in a band and still dabble with music occasionally."

Ugh, you're one of those arseholes who plays "Wonderwall" on the guitar at parties, aren't you?
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Ugh, you're one of those arseholes who plays "Wonderwall" on the guitar at parties, aren't you?

28. "I don't mind if our tastes clash or your opinions are different from mine."

These are the same knobends who are calling themselves "meninists".
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These are the same knobends who are calling themselves "meninists".

29. "It feels a bit cringeworthy to talk about myself."

Prefacing your boast about how cool and clever you are with this kind of humblebrag disclaimer will not make you look like any less of an arsehole.
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Prefacing your boast about how cool and clever you are with this kind of humblebrag disclaimer will not make you look like any less of an arsehole.

30. "I'm a traditional gentleman and I believe in chivalry."

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Fuck off.