back to top

30 Things Women Are Tired Of Reading On Men's Dating Profiles

Reasons to stay single.

Posted on

1. "I love to make the most of what this great city has to offer!"

Getty Images Matthew Lloyd / Via gettyimages.co.uk

Who knows what the "countless possibilities" these guys are "enchanted" by involve, but it's probably not Pret, packed pubs, and nightbuses.

5. "I like '80s and '90s films, but ironically, of course."

Getty Images/iStockphoto benstevens / Via thinkstockphotos.co.uk

Stop making shit excuses for the fact that you've not been arsed to engage with cinema since Home Alone 2 came out.

11. "I love to meet new people."

Getty Images D. Anschutz / Via thinkstockphotos.co.uk

Nobody likes asking yet another person if they have siblings and where they grew up. You're hawking your smizing mug on a dating site so that you can stop meeting new people.

12. "I'm open-minded and not overly picky, but..."

Getty Images/iStockphoto Vasilisa_k / Via thinkstockphotos.co.uk

Yeah, yeah, you only want to go out with intelligent, attractive women with big tits who'll laugh at your shit jokes and like to eat brunch or read the (broadsheet) paper before seeing an independent film or exhibition.

13. "I don't really have a type..."

Giphy / Via giphy.com

...but I only want to go out with intelligent, attractive women with big tits who'll laugh at my shit jokes and like to eat brunch or read the (broadsheet) paper before seeing an independent film or exhibition.

14. "Nights in are spent watching a good Scandi drama or reading Murakami."

Getty Images/iStockphoto lofilolo / Via thinkstockphotos.co.uk

Because it's always Murakami. You won't be able to hide that Don't Tell the Bride and Dan Brown habit forever.

17. "I love to wander around a good farmers' market at the weekend."

Getty Images/iStockphoto IPGGutenbergUKLtd / Via thinkstockphotos.co.uk

Go on, tell me what vegetables are in season now. Oh, you mean, you only eat and Instagram £7 burgers at said farmers' market?

21. "I'm intelligent and engaged with current affairs."

Getty Images/iStockphoto Ridofranz / Via giphy.com

If that meant more than "I scan the headlines on the Guardian website and tweet a half opinion on my favourite", you'd probably be able to think of something more intelligent to say than that.

24. "I mostly spend my time socialising."

Getty Images/iStockphoto william87 / Via thinkstockphotos.co.uk

This is the "I actually spend all my time getting pissed" admission that exposes "gigs, galleries, farmers' markets, and independent cinema" as total lies.

25. "I enjoy the gym and keeping fit."

Getty Images/iStockphoto Petr_Joura / Via thinkstockphotos.co.uk

You may as well list eating and sleeping alongside the necessary evil of exercise if there is this little about you that's interesting.

29. "It feels a bit cringeworthy to talk about myself."

Getty Images Brand X Pictures / Via thinkstockphotos.co.uk

Prefacing your boast about how cool and clever you are with this kind of humblebrag disclaimer will not make you look like any less of an arsehole.