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22 Tell-Tale Signs Of White Wine Hangover

Pain ---> vomiting ---> existential crisis.

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So you drank all the white wine last night, did you? You're gonna pay for that...

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1. You'll wake up suddenly at 6am with no real memory of going to bed.

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2. You'll feel a little dizzy and disorientated at first...

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3. ...and you might even think you've swerved the worst of a hangover altogether for a precious few minutes.

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4. But wait. You're not out of the woods yet.

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Do not rejoice too soon.

5. Before you can even say Alka Seltzer, you'll feel like you're being repeatedly smashed in the head.

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6. This isn't one of those dull, lurking headaches. It'll make you fully aware you of its presence like a hammer banging your skull.

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7. At the same time you'll feel like your brain's on fire, or floating in acid. Or both.

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8. Why not throw in the sensation of being repeatedly slapped in the face?

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It's the white wine way!

9. There will be vomit.

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The uncontrollable kind that goes from stomach churn to full-projectile in ten seconds.

10. Then comes the heaving.

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Sure, you won't be able to keep even a glass of water down, but that won't stop your stomach trying to turn itself inside out and force its way up your oesophagus for at lease five hours.

11. The idea of consuming anything will fill you with dread for the rest of the day.

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12. The multi-pronged attack of a white wine hangover can reach levels of intensity you never knew possible.

13. There's nothing you can do about it. You just have to lie and wait while your body tries to destroy itself.

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14. Which is right about the time the alcohol-induced anxiety will set in.

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15. You'll get intermittent flashbacks of things you shouldn't have said or done last night.

White wine's pretty cruel pre-hangover, too.
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White wine's pretty cruel pre-hangover, too.

16. Your brain will also play you a little "best of" featuring everything else you've ever regretted.

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17. Oh, and remember all those times you've felt inadequate and stupid? This hangover will make sure you do now!

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18. All of which will contribute to a restlessness like you've never known.

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Sleep it off? LOL.

19. But eventually, it'll work its way out of you, one way or another, and you'll emerge recovered, but exhausted.

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20. Simply not having a headache will feel like the best thing that's ever happened to you.

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21. From here on in, you'll just say "no" to white wine.

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Just halves of shandy for you from now on.

22. Until next time...

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