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Ten Lies You're Telling Yourself

Honesty isn't the only policy

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1. I'm going to get up early tomorrow... and exercise

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You're not going to get up early, nor are you going to exercise. In fact, you'll probably hit snooze so many times that you won't have time for a shower.

2. I'll just stay for one drink

fansided.com / Via fansided.com

No you won't. One drink will almost certainly become five and before you know it you'll be twerking with some guy who smells like hot dogs.

3. I read that (insert unhealthy food) is good for you

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It's time to face facts... cheese, wine, chocolate and sugar are never going to be healthy no matter how many weight watchers points, magazine articles and fake doctors say they are.

4. Jogging in place at the traffic light keeps my momentum going

Via soymuyportena.tumblr.com

You stopped at that carless intersection and waited for the light to turn not because you're a law abiding citizen, but because you were tired and you needed a break. Just stand still and enjoy it.

5. I'm never drinking again

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When you wake up on the bathroom floor with only shame and drool to comfort you, it may feel like the truth... but its so good once it hits your lips...

6. I'll start eating healthy on Monday

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No you won't. Although it may seem like a magical, clean slate day; Monday is no different from Wednesday or Sunday. You'll start eating healthy when you have a heart attack. Maybe.

7. Everyone loves seeing how cute my cat/dog/baby is

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Most of those oohs and ahhs were a social courtesy. Stop forcing people to look at/hold/smell it, they don't care.

8. I can totally pull that off

Be it bangs, crop tops, or if you're a man, a pastel cardigan, the latest trend was most likely not made for your body. Whatever you saw on the bobble-headed toothpicks on Project Runway is not something you can pull off.
Via mandatory.com

Be it bangs, crop tops, or if you're a man, a pastel cardigan, the latest trend was most likely not made for your body. Whatever you saw on the bobble-headed toothpicks on Project Runway is not something you can pull off.

9. I'm not wasting any more time or money on Candy Crush

If you can see the Candy Crush board when you close your eyes, then you probably should take a break... but lets be honest, you won't. You'll continue to waste your time, pester your facebook friends, and isolate yourself in social situations because lemonade lake isn't going to fill itself.
Via someecards.com

If you can see the Candy Crush board when you close your eyes, then you probably should take a break... but lets be honest, you won't. You'll continue to waste your time, pester your facebook friends, and isolate yourself in social situations because lemonade lake isn't going to fill itself.

10. They probably didn't hear the phone, I'll call again

Via meedly.tumblr.com

We are all smart phone zombies, so chances are good that last night's date heard their phone just fine. Put the phone down and channel your crazy into something more discreet, like Facebook stalking.

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