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What Would I ACTUALLY Do If I Was A Man For A Day?

Not what you think...

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So no doubt you have been asked, asked someone or thought of this question before. Turns out there's only really one generic answer to this… (get your head out of the gutter – we're not here for none of that). I'd strongly advise you look away now if you hate stereotypes.

6am – I figured I'd start the day early, considering yomo (you're only male once – I tried okay). I get up. I'm tall. I have hairy toes which I'm not too obsessed with… at all actually. I walk into the kitchen pondering over what would count as a manly breakfast. I settle for Special K, not out of choice but largely down to the fact my house isn't catered for a 'manly breakfast', so I was limited. During breakfast I watch Top Gear, I look at cars, I fanaticise over Richard Hammond (oops). I go back upstairs to get ready (perhaps it should be noted that the whole time I listened to Beyonce's 'If I were a boy'). I am thankful of my laziness and love of oversized clothes from the men's section as I open my wardrobe filled with womenswear… I tried on my old prom dress – I have no idea why.

10am – I'm out the house now. I decided to walk to the local pub, find some 'lads' and watch the football game without actually feeling intimidated by my gender. It was fab (in my head). Earlier that morning I downloaded Tinder, I guess I am kinda curious if I make a hot man. My new friends think I'm 'da bomb', which is great but I almost messed it up when I ordered Pom-Bears with my lunch and flirted with one of them.

1pm – I'm back home, the cat is confused and scared of me. I went shopping earlier as a man and that was a good experience, especially when I nearly went to try on this really nice dress in H&M. I've drowned myself in Calvin Klein and Hugo Boss aftershave – oh and by the way is aftershave just for after a shave or is it like perfume? I haven't shaved at all and feel like a rebel for using it. I wish I had stubble every day, stroking it when in deep thought is by far my favourite part of this day.

4pm – I AM DRINKING BEER AND I LIKE IT. I've never liked beer, maybe it's a man thing? I'm also with my new lads at the pub again.

7pm- I am drunk by this time, not good. Who knew there was so much alcohol in beer?

10pm- I am home now, I got a shower because of the overpowering smell of old aftershave and beer. I am also afraid of my own penis and I don't want to look at it any more. When will this day end?

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