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How To Bake A Boyfriend

A realization I made while eating a slice of red velvet heaven.

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Last week my roommate decided to bake a cake.

Red velvet with cream cheese frosting to be exact so like, uh yes please. Naturally, when I finally convinced myself that it was okay to have a slice, I devoured it in seconds.

It wasn't until after I finished eating it, sitting with my bubbling tummy and sugarcoated teeth, that I made a realization.

Boyfriends are like cake.

Yes, boyfriends are like cake.

They are sweet and delicious and you just can’t help but be happy while you’re eating it. Sugary and addicting, but sometimes undesirable emotions come along with eating that very same cake, like the post splurge guilt. Or sometimes it makes you angry because you want it so bad but know you shouldn’t eat it. Sometimes they are a tease because you think it will be worth it to just take one bite but then get screwed and decide to eat a whole piece, then two pieces, then sometimes the whole damn thing. After you are left shifting uncomfortably with a sugar high in a waste band that now feels snugger than before, and inevitably the high will subside. Promptly following, is the crash and burn.

Then there are those times when you bake your own cake and it comes out perfect.

Tastes good, looks good and the only thing that comes along with the experience is pure satisfaction. In reality though, more often than not, those cakes are really stinking hard to come by.

My boyfriend was the type of cake that you eat because you think it is going to be so delicious and worth it in that very moment.

Then later you realize you just really didn’t need it at all. The cake that sits on the counter after a party and you keep it there just because. It’s sits there taunting you and you like to look at it and you don’t throw it away because you put so much work into making it, but after a while you don’t even want it anymore. Eventually you decide that if the left over cake is not going to be eaten, it is better off to just be thrown away.

Okay so I didn’t throw my boyfriend away, obviously, but our relationship did end.

It was one of those intense connections right from the start; the heart-fluttering, butterflies in the belly, unnecessarily sweaty palms type. That lasted for a while and it was wholesome and happy. Then the sugar high began to fade. It wasn’t what I thought. It was like taking a bite of a slightly dried out cake that you bought from the store. Looked so appealing through the glass next to all the other tasty pastries but then you bring it home, take one mouthful and...disappointment. What I told myself to get through the bad times? Its just one cake. There will be plenty of others.

You go to the grocery store to buy the ingredients you want in your cake, just like we search for all the qualities in a man that will make the “perfect” boyfriend.

Flour*** The base of it all. He needs to be your rock, and you should be the center of his life.

Sugar*** To make the cake sweet. He needs to be sweet and caring, but not too sweet because that’s just not palatable.

Salt*** To cut the sweetness. He needs to have some edge.

Butter*** To make it light and airy. He needs to be free-spirited and make you laugh.

Baking soda*** To help the cake rise. He needs to be able to keep you on your toes, a constant sense of excitement and wonder that grows each day.

Eggs*** To bind everything. He needs to care enough to commit to that bond.

Milk/Water*** Makes the cake moist and gives a better texture (not really sure how this applies)

Vanilla*** For flavor. Everyone has personal preference on this one…

Frosting*** To top it all off, that little bit of extra. He should go above and beyond for you.

The chances of a cake having the perfect amount of all of these ingredients is certainly more likely than a man having all of these qualities.

Some of us like more of one thing than the other. We tend to create this figure in our heads with standards that must be met. Sometimes our standards are set too high and we end up being disappointed. Too chocolaty, too dry, too dense, too sweet, not enough flavor, too crumbly, spotty on the frosting... it’s hard to bake to perfection.

But for all those who are out their trying to find that perfect cake, listen up.

There are millions of different cakes out there, and none them are perfect -- but that, my friends, is the beauty of it. This won't matter, because one day you will find that cake that is made up of just the right amount of each ingredient. You will take a bite and it will be the best you’ve ever tasted. It will be just right, for you.

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