Well, well, well. Here we are. Another week, another deeply unhinged yet fascinating look into Raquel Leviss and Tom Sandoval's hidden-yet-not-so-hidden months-long affair. All of that to say, a new episode of Vanderpump Rules aired last night, and it's time to GET INTO IT.
Btw hi! I am Lara — a long-time Vanderpump Rules fan since Season 1 — and I will be joining you to discuss VPR for the foreseeable future. You can also come along with me on my honest review of Schwartz and Sandy's, and read my essay with receipts on how one Tom-othy Schwartz has quite literally always been the worst.
Without further ado, let's get into it. This week's episode — Season 10, Episode 13, titled "Lady and the Glamp" — kicks off with a car scene featuring Tom Sandoval, Raquel Leviss (also sometimes referred to as Rachel), Tom Schwartz, and Ariana Madix. They are all on their way to go "glamping" for Raquel's birthday.
They arrive at said glamping spot — some ranch in some part of California that I have quite frankly never heard of (sorry) — and Scheana informs us all that she's "not a camper." Sweetie, we know. We then see Sandoval wearing a "Yellow Robe Smith" shirt, which is in reference to Ariana's greatest scene to date from Season 7, Episode 17.
Anyway, Tom Schwartz talks about peeing outside or whatever, and then we head over to the new office space that Lala Kent has secured for her Give Them Lala beauty brand and other various business ventures. Robes are hanging up, and she informs "Jameson" aka James Kennedy that she has invited Katie Maloney and Kristina Kelly to come take photos in said robes. It's giving Kim Zolciak-Biermann, IYKYK. ANYWAY, back to this. James and Lala then begin to discuss drama, which is truthfully why we are all here.
Lala drops the bomb that a few days ago when Katie was at Villa Rosa "working on sandwiches" (??), Ken Todd moseys on up to Katie and Lisa Vanderpump and casually says, and I quote, "I can't believe that Tom Sandoval had Raquel over when Ariana is away. In the jacuzzi as well." When Lisa Vanderpump responds with, "I know," Ken continues and says, "And she stayed all night, yeah?" THEN HE JUST LEAVES! Obviously, LVP instructed her hubby to deliver this line (and tbh, he did it perfectly) so then LVP explains how she found out.
Anyway, apparently LVP, who can "sniff bullshit from a mile away" according to Lala (and who would also throw any of these SURvers under the bus for a storyline), immediately called Tom Sandoval to ask about what Raquel had told her.
Moving on! We then find out that Tom Sandoval also shared his Raquel lie with James Kennedy, but he told James a different version. I gotta say, for someone who has lied on television since at least 2013, you think Tom Sandoval would be...better at it by now? I mean, at least keep the same story, you know?
James's face during this interaction really said it all.
There are so many smoking guns in each episode now it's honestly hard to keep track. But we're about to discuss another one. This one being the Labor Day Party of 2022 Smoking Gun. Lala explains that Tom Sandoval went to said Labor Day Party in Newport Beach where Scheana, Brock, Lala, and Raquel were all in attendance. Ariana was not. Her grandmother apparently died this day, and Lala said that Ariana called Sandoval, furious and upset, asking him to come home. He did not leave for another two hours. If Karma does not get this man, I WILL.
After presenting us with the Labor Day Party of 2022 Smoking Gun, Lala then shares, "I think Tom Sandoval has a thing for Raquel." She could not be more right, and it pains me to admit this. She had no idea how right she was.
After this explosive reveal, we head back to the ranch to continue watching the birthday trip for the person we all really dislike now! Not ideal. After having to watch Raquel run out panicking that she "forgot her makeup bag" (you're staying in a tent without indoor plumbing, but go off), we then see Ariana break down a bit about the loss of her grandmother. And again, I AM SEEING FUCKING RED as Tom Sandoval sits there and pretends to care. NOT TODAY SIR. NOT TODAY.
Look at this man pretending to wipe a tear away. I CAN'T.
Ariana asks if anything happened while she was out of town, and Raquel shares that she was late to work. HMM, wonder why babe? Ariana being like, the kind queen that she is, is completely nonchalant about the news that Raquel slept over, even commenting that "we always go in the jacuzzi." At this point, she has no reason to suspect her partner of nearly a decade to do something SO FUCKING HEINOUS, but man, it's hard to watch.
Back to Lala and her robe photoshoot. I do love a robe, tbh. Lala says this is about "bitches supporting bitches." Then the ladies (Kristina Kelly, Katie, and Lala) start discussing the aftermath of Beach Day that we saw in last week's episode. Katie shares that Tom Sandoval is upset with her for spreading "the rumor" that Ariana and Tom Sandoval are in an open relationship. Lala says it's "not that farfetched," considering she once hooked up with Ariana in the backseat of a car while Sandoval drove. Kristina Kelly then shares she is hosting a party for something that I honestly could not even tell you what it was. I glazed over. But I'll be there.
BACK TO THE GLAMPING. Scheana gives Ariana the rundown on last week's beach party gone wrong and shares that Katie insinuated that Tom and Ariana were open. Ariana shares that — despite the fact that being open is totally chill and cool from her purview — they simply are not. Then, Ariana defends Raquel and calls her "loyal," and I got so upset that I had to step away and get a Sprite to calm down.
The Glamping Group then galavants over to a group dinner on the ranch with homemade ranch dressing, which Raquel then DUMPS EVERYWHERE. Rationally, I know this is low on the list of things she's done, but I am not sure I could ever forgive her for this alone. Raquel, after dumping the homemade ranch sauce all over the ground, then tells Sandoval he has something on his face (glitter?), and it's one of those scenes that I would have probably ignored in favor of Twitter a mere three months ago, and now I am rewatching it in slow motion, realizing that these two bozos are parading their affair around every chance they get.
Let's pour one out for the homemade ranch that they never got to taste.
Then Tom Schwartz — low-key my enemy — takes it upon himself to make a "joke" that Raquel's type is "men that are taken." REMEMBER WHEN I SAID NONE OF YOU COULD CONVINCE ME THAT THIS MAN DIDN'T KNOW FROM DAY ONE????
They move on to a bonfire, and Raquel starts talking about pageants. I almost glazed over again, but I know I am here to deliver you a recap, so I drank some Sprite and tuned back in just in time for Raquel to share that she has "always wanted to be a role model for women" before breaking down in tears. Very dark! I'll say this: Raquel's emotional outbursts make a lot more sense now knowing what we know.
I AM NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're back to discussing Kristina Kelly's event, and Raquel is told she maybe should not come and then responds with something I didn't listen to and then actually had the audacity to say "I respect other people." Raquel Leviss, you are straight up lying. Anyway, next up, we see two random shots of Katie and her mother and Lala and her mother before arriving in James and Ally's living room watching them discuss James's blow-up at Beach Day.
We are finally at Kristina Kelly's event — turns out it's for her lip balm or whatever — and I am reminded of how funny Charli is. Give her more screen time.
Schwartz shows up and starts taking orders for drinks for some reason — possibly the only time he's ever actually worked — and starts complaining about how "cold" Katie is to him. Yeah, dude, because you suck and have no remorse for sucking. This isn't rocket science. Then Raquel, Sandoval, and Ariana arrive together. In a talking head scene, Lala wonders aloud whether or not this is "a throuple." No, Lala, it's much worse.
Lala then says that Raquel is "stealing her soul" and that she is like a "demon." Which, tbh, is kind of a read.
Katie pulls Ariana to the side to once again defend herself to Ariana against the rumors that she is spreading the open relationship storyline. TBH, I don't really think Katie is being nearly as bad as she has been in the history of this show, and it's so hard to watch Ariana defend Sandoval and Raquel's behavior knowing what we know now. At one point, Ariana calls Raquel "one of her best friends." And since we know that at this point, Katie didn't ACTUALLY know, by all accounts, we SHOULD think Katie is ridiculous for going after this relationship. But it turns out that she was not. Sigh. Katie and Ariana have a cute moment, and I am reminded how much I love sandwiches.
Raquel and James then have a 1-1 chat which starts with James pretending he forgot that he got Raquel the purse she's carrying and ends with James expressing that he does not know who Raquel is anymore, and Raquel saying that she "does not regret anything." Chilling, tbh!
After suffering through yet another Kristina Kelly lip balm product placement scene, Smoking Gun Labor Day Party 2022 is then brought up again when Lala is speaking to Ariana. Tom Sandoval tries to DEFEND HIS BEHAVIOR (aka not being by his loving girlfriend's side on the day she loses her grandmother in favor of dancing with Raquel) by saying that his ride Jason "dipped out." What is with this man and the phrase "dipped out"????
Several deep breaths later, I watch as Sandoval continues to make excuses for himself and places the blame on Ariana continually insisting that she "wanted to be alone" — a classic move — before sharing that "he couldn't get a car." Lala knows he is lying, and she tells him as much. Shoutout to Lala in this scene because watching this man lie through his teeth is giving me a TMJ headache from all of the jaw clenching.
Ariana then explains that she "looks like an idiot being Tom's number one stan when he isn't mine." It's sad to watch and even sadder when you remember that this man was disrespecting her for months while she defended his actions both publicly and privately. I hope Tom Sandoval stubs his toe every day for the rest of his life.
And, with that, the episode concludes with a preview for next week that includes Tom Sandoval starting to plant the seeds that "Ariana doesn't love him" while he actively fucks her friend! And a scene of Ariana talking to Raquel about her (lack of sex life) with Tom Sandoval. If you weren't already clenching your jaw, you will be now!
