Hi there! My name is Lara Parker, and I really enjoy talking about sex. But before you slide into my DMs being all like, "You can talk about sex with me any day baby..." let me just say that I like talking about sex because it is a very normal and natural part of life and I believe that the more we shy away from talking about it, the more shame and stigma will continue to be attached to it!
Personally, I live with vaginismus and related pelvic floor conditions that make penetrative sex — and sometimes just orgasming in general — really painful, and because of the shame and stigma sometimes centered around sex, I suffered in silence for many years before I was able to find my voice to talk about something that impacted my everyday life.
OK, so now that we've established that I like talking about sex, what comes next? Well, this is it! This is BuzzFeed's new sex advice column, where we will answer your (anonymous) questions about anything sex-related and offer expert advice on all things intimacy. We asked people to DM us with their sex-related questions, and each week we’ll answer your questions and even give you a bonus sex tip at the end.
So now that we're all on the same page, let's do this!
So here's what I think you should do, if nothing else: Keep communication around this open. If you find it completely awkward or embarrassing to refer to your partner as "daddy" or "master" — you are not alone! The mere thought of calling my partner "daddy" or "master" used to make me want to hide under my $45 comforter from Target and never come out again. But that's why communication outside of the bedroom (or kitchen, or wherever you prefer) is so important. And I think it is beyond OK to communicate your feelings around this to your partner.
I'm not advocating for you to text your partner right now and say, "Hey, the thought of calling you daddy or master while we get down and dirty makes me feel like hiding under my bed like my cat Fluffy used to do." But I am advocating that you express this to him in a way that feels comfortable for you so that you can both talk about this outside of the bedroom and figure out what does feel comfortable for you. I spoke with sex educator Cameron Glover to get even more advice around this situation in particular.
"Most of the time, it's not the actual words used in dirty talk that makes it so sexy, but something specific about how it helps to set the tone or tune into someone's sensory experience that helps them to really get into the mood," Glover told BuzzFeed.
Basically, what it comes down to is this: Open communication about what you both enjoy in bed is crucial, and while it may feel embarrassing at times, ultimately these conversations will lead to a better sexual experience for both of you. After all, the best sex is the sex where you both feel completely comfortable expressing yourself and asking for your needs and desires to be met. It may take more than one conversation, but practice makes perfect.
And when you have these conversations, remember that this is also a great opportunity to share what turns you on and how you can find ways to incorporate it into your sexual experiences as well.
I think oftentimes when we enter into a new relationship, we can naturally begin to neglect the relationship we have with our own body. We might feel like masturbating while in a relationship is bad or weird in some way. But actually, masturbating while in a relationship is good! Great, even!
