1. Perform heart surgery to save someone’s life while simultaneously losing ounces of your own blood.
2. Go to work and not call out sick, even though your cramps are making you double over in pain.
3. Walk up 10 flights of stairs when the elevator is broken in the middle of summer — dripping sweat AND blood.
4. Teach a classroom full of screaming children how to read a literal book while nearly bleeding through your pad.
5. Deal with a long commute when your uterus is causing you extreme physical pain.
6. Stay late at work for the third night in a row even though you’ve been bleeding for three days straight and can barely keep your eyes open.
7. Spend all day building homes for families while dealing with blood clots seeping out of your vagina.
8. Administer someone’s anesthesia before a surgery and not fuck it up even though you’re struggling with period diarrhea.
9. Train for the Olympics all while your uterus beats you up because you aren’t pregnant.
10. Run a marathon while your back screams in pain because of your ovaries.
11. Defend your country all while dealing with period diarrhea.
12. Participate in a sporting event while soaking through a tampon.
13. Protect and serve while wearing a makeshift pad out of toilet paper because your period showed up early.
14. Carry a tray with five drinks on it and not spilling it even while blood is spilling out of your vagina.
15. Sing opera before a giant audience even though the high notes make you push out a little more blood each time.
16. Tell people what the forecast is like while worrying that your extreme cramps will cause you to grimace live on air.
17. Watch other people’s children during the day while your uterus causes you to double over in pain because of your lack of children.
18. Clean up after people in dressing rooms while you deal with period constipation.
19. Swim in an ocean knowing that sharks may be present and that you are risking your life because your period doesn’t know when to not show the fuck up.
20. Take someone’s blood while worrying about where the string of your tampon is.
21. Work on repairing a power line while wondering if you’re losing enough blood to be electrocuted.
22. File a deposition then go to the bathroom to pee and forget you have a tampon in and then be forced to touch your pee-covered string.
23. Do someone’s taxes all while your pad gets stuck to your pubic hair and rips some of it out.
24. Sit through a boring meeting while it feels like someone is punching you in the vagina.
25. Spend the entire day coding while it feels like your intestines are coming out of your body.
26. Write an essay on War and Peace while the Battle of Gettysburg goes on in your uterus.
27. Stand for hours in a busy subway car while blood goes up your butt crack.
28. Pilot a 757 while your stomach bloats up to 100 times its size.
29. Endure a 15-hour flight when you’re bleeding through tampons every hour.
30. Trade stocks while realizing your flow just got extra heavy and you’re far from the bathroom.
31. Travel to remote areas where there’s no toilet and therefore nowhere ~private~ to change your tampon.
32. Rescue a family from a burning building while feeling like there’s a stabbing pain going through from your stomach to your lower back.
33. Carry a bunch of crap you just bought at Ikea back to your car while wearing a dry tampon because your period decided not to start when it was supposed to.
34. Spend hours writing legislation after having to use a cardboard applicator.
35. Come up with new aerospace designs while feeling clots of blood seep into your pad.
36. Slog through rush-hour traffic while feeling like you need to shit your pants.
37. Dig up a plot of land for a new construction site right after digging out your tampon because the string broke.
38. Give a presentation to a board of executives while a fart forces itself out of your body and blood comes with it.
39. Picking up your children at school even when you feel like World War III is happening in your uterus.
40. Help someone plan their retirement while realizing that you bled through your tampon and it’s about to leak on your leg.
41. Help your kids with their homework when all you want to do is lie down and pass out.
42. Cook dinner for your family while preparing for your next bloody period sneeze.
43. Taking your dog out to use the bathroom after sitting on a toilet for 35 minutes losing what feels like gallons of blood.
44. Celebrate your 50th birthday and THINKING you were done with periods, only to have your asshole period show up again. Happy birthday to me!!
45. And finally, force yourself to get out of bed once a month while your period forces its asshole self out of you.
H/T Madeleine Trebenski, McSweeney's
The wording in this post, including the headline, have been updated to reflect BuzzFeed's editorial standards.