25 Things That Happen When You're Single
I'm not SINGLE, I'm just in a relationship with fun and freedom.
People will try to set you up.
So you'll go on a date because your friend *promised* that they aren't setting you up with a psycho.
People will ask you why you're single and you'll be all, "Why are you still talking? LOL."
Then you'll ask yourself why, and ponder it while watching bad TV.
So after pondering, you will decide to download Tinder.
Then you'll go on a date from Tinder.
Then you'll vow to never go on another blind date again.
You'll go on another blind date.
And then, after being asked to participate in no fewer than 12 threesomes, you'll delete Tinder.
You'll go to a wedding and spend the entire time counting down the time until you can get alcohol.
Then the bride or groom will try to throw their bouquet or garter at you because, HAHA, you're single.
You'll get on Facebook and see couple pictures and engagement announcements everywhere.
Then you'll vomcano and screenshot to send to your friends.
You'll see couples out in public and feel sad for a second.
Then you'll see them start to argue and think, LOL JK SINGLE IS FINE.
You'll listen to a song and be like :(
Then your jam will come on and you'll realize you can dance with WHOMEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.
You'll spend Valentine's Day alone eating bad food, feeling a little sorry for yourself.
But then you'll realize you saved money and now can buy yourself even MORE food. Win.
Your parents and/or relatives will voice concerns about you.
And then you'll voice your concerns about their choices in life right back.
You'll try to order takeout and not be able to meet the minimum order.
But then you'll realize that means you can eat it AGAIN tomorrow, and you DGAF.
You'll watch a rom-com and possibly shed some tears.
But then the movie will end and you'll remember how BADASS and STRONG you are and that you don't need ANYBODY to help you shine.
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