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50 Therapy Tweets From 2018 That Are Funny As Hell

"I Ghosted My Therapist After Crying In Her Office: A Memoir"



I love watching my therapist try to pretend he knows who I'm talking about when clearly he's forgotten the whole backstory.


ME: I just feel like “pizza party” should refer to pizzas having a party. Humans having pizza at a party should just be a party with pizza. Does that make sense to you? THERAPIST: I think we should meet more often


therapist: why don’t you tell people when they hurt you instead of pushing them away without an opportunity to show you if they care enough about you to change their behavior me:


Therapist: Your mother is so overprotective she is the cause of your issues connecting to women emotionally Me: Well yo mama so stupid she tried to climb Mountain Dew


My therapist: so did you try those new coping mechanisms I told you about? Me:


Therapist: I’ll see you next Monday? Me: For sure. Therapist: Okay, talk then. *leaves office* *two minutes pass* *opens phone and texts therapist: should I get bangs?*


Therapist: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health Me:[finger guns] That’s why I also bottle up the positive ones


my therapist: what’s on your mind? my brain:


If I cover myself with 10 weighted blankets at all times can I finally stop going to therapy


Therapist: Let’s talk about your treatment and self care plan Me: Face... mask Therapist: That’s not a legitimate form of- Me: ʞsɐɯ ǝɔɐℲ Therapist: We talked about this it’s a distraction that feeds off consumerism and the internalized value of appearance Me: ʄǟƈɛ ʍǟֆӄ :)


therapist: you have PTSD me: hell yeah I have PTSD: Proficient Talent for Sucking DICK lmao therapist: maybe we can talk about your use of humor as an unhealthy coping mechanism for the trauma you’ve experienced me: Sheryl, I don’t think you understand how clever that joke was


me to my therapist: so i told everyone at brunch, "that baby has TERF bangs" and i tweeted about it afterward and it did pretty well it got like 20-something likes i think my therapist: *writing "INSANE ????????" on notepad*


Me en route to therapy: I don't think I have anything to talk about. Maybe I should stop going Me, at therapy:


love to pretend that my therapist is waiting eagerly for updates on all my dumb shit


my therapist: so what has been your coping mechanism so far? me:


My therapist is going to be shook tomorrow. Her: What’s new? Me:


Therapist: so you asked him out Me: well no, but see yesterday he liked my photo and today I liked his photo and then he rt’d my tweet and Therapist: I cant handle this


me: cant wait to bring this up in therapy later *later in therapy* therapist: how are you doing? me: im doing great! haha im so great what’s up with u? u good too? nice


Therapist: what's wrong Me: what if we spend our whole lives not believing in ghosts just to become a ghost that we desperately want someone to believe in Therapist: *schedules an appointment with another therapist*


Trying to be honest with my therapist but not so honest that I get involuntarily hospitalized


me: I’ve conquered my fear of ghosts therapist: that’s the spirit me: oh fuck where



me telling my therapist all my traumas and how wrong my life is going vs me making jokes about that traumas and ignoring them.


My therapist: I'm going to try something a little different this session


My therapist when I start yet another session with “so there’s this new guy...”


I Ghosted My Therapist After Crying In Her Office: A Memoir


my therapist: me: god ur so good at this job


Me: I used to get joy from twitter but now it makes me upset. Therapist: what if you just didn’t use it anymore? Me: not sure I understand


me to my therapist: so i told everyone at brunch, "that baby has TERF bangs" and i tweeted about it afterward and it did pretty well it got like 20-something likes i think my therapist: *writing "INSANE ????????" on notepad*


me, showing my therapist my twitter


Therapist: It seems like you have a problem with projecting your feelings onto others. Me: No, I don’t. You’re the one with the problem.


my therapist: are you sad? me:


Not being honest with my therapist


I made my therapist cry today you have to admit that's hot


my therapist: so how are you? me:


my therapist: me: do you think i’m annoying be honest


my therapist: so how are you today? me: welp that’s enough therapy for the week


My therapist: so how are you? Fill me on about what’s going on it your life:) Me:


my therapist: hmmmmm. (thoughtful pause) what if you didn't do that? me: 😧🤯


i can’t even complain about therapy not working bc i never listen to any of my therapist’s advice


One day it was like I just woke up, and Bugles wouldn't fit on my fingertips anymore. So I had to eat them like a grown-up. Therapist: ...


My therapist once I lost my health insurance


when my therapist points out my unhealthy habits


I came back to Twitter for the humor, or as my therapist calls it, "reliving my trauma".


me after telling my therapist i’m happy and that i’m doing alright


my therapist to me at the end of the session


me: i hate everything and want to die him: we all hate everything and want to die, you're not special me: wow ok you're a terrible therapist him: dude i'm not your therapist and my manager says i can't sell you "as many big macs as we can possibly make"


My therapist: Why do you think that is? Me:


therapist: u need to find yourself waldo: ᶠᵘᶜᵏ