18 Ways Creamy Peanut Butter Is Actually God

Thou shalt have no other spreads before me.

1. The divine spreadeth so evenly.

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2. Thy fruits should always be adorned with the divine.

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3. And thy vegetables should only be consumed when slathered with the divine.

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4. The divine shall always caress thine tongue. It shall never hurt.

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5. The divine has more Vitamin E than the crunch abomination.

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6. For cream of peanut so loved the world that he gave thou to act as the perfect sticky spread. Those who believe shall have eternal toppings.

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7. Thou dost not force one to chew before swallowing.

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8. Thou can do everything through protein from cream of peanut.

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9. Thou shall have no other gods before the divine. Unless the divine is topped with bacon, in which case, awesome.

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10. And behold! The animals will swarm to thee!

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11. And the divine said, “Behold, thou shall cook easily with thee.”

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12. And lo! Even Satan and his tangled bubble gum hair tricks were no match for the divine!


13. The divine shall compliment any food.

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14. And the people yearned for the divine, and so the divine was consumed in many ways.

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15. And although mouths shall make noises, you shall fear no crunching, for you are with the divine.

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16. The divine is patient, the divine is kind, it isn’t jealous, it doesn’t brag, it isn’t arrogant.

17. The divine shan’t bother the teeth. Thine shall caress and love.

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18. Remember that the divine will always love you, and in doing so, you’ll keep it holy.

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