1. Every time someone goes in for a hug, your body is just like "I reject this."
2. You are drawn to accessories that discourage touching of any kind.
Spikes match with spikes. This is not an accident.
3. And you legitimately relate to cactuses on every level imaginable.
You wish only that you could produce needles.
4. You feel like cats just *get* you.
The whole "avoiding human contact unless being petted" thing.
5. And over the years you've developed escape routes for when people touch you.
NBC
This is literally how people greet one another in hell.
6. It's OK for people to touch your bare skin...if they want to die.
7. And trying to make it through school with teachers who thought they could touch shoulders was such a struggle.
Excuse me, I would rather sit through five hours of calculus than have you touch me.
8. You really wonder why it is that people feel the need to touch body art.
This isn't a scratch and sniff tattoo.
9. You know it's possible to be both perfectly happy and loving AND just not want to be touched.
I'm not mad; I just don't want your hands near me.
10. Concerts and big parties are your personal nightmare.
Too. Many. Bodies.
11. Even someone's words touching your ears is a little much, tbh.
Do your part to end noise pollution today.
12. If someone HAS to hug you, they'd better make it brief.
A quick, professional tap is enough. Too much, even.
13. You could write an entire guide on why people should literally NEVER touch you.
Page 1: Because you said so.
14. You know the pain of loving an affectionate person.
Let me love you from a distance.
15. You have definite rules about personal space in public.
ARM'S DISTANCE.
16. Your favorite kind of cuddling is the kind where there is no cuddling.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
17. Your go-to look is "unapproachable."
18. You know the worst part of any relationship is sharing a bed.
Stay in your lane.
19. You do not understand why people at the gym feel the need to get close to sweaty strangers.
Can you grunt over THERE?
20. If someone tries to flirt with you by getting too close, you shut it down immediately.
Love means never touching.
21. There is nothing more annoying to you than posing for a picture and hearing "GET CLOSER."
This person is already halfway inside my body, how much closer can we get?
22. And, above all else, you think tickling should be illegal.
Go to prison. Now.
