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9 Things You Should NEVER Say To A Pregnant Woman

Believe it or not, you will not be the first person to say these inane things. Your poor pregnant friend/relative/colleague has heard them several times today already. Say them at your own peril...

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1. "Isn't your bump big/small/how many are in there?" or any variation thereof.


Guess what? The size of someone's body is of absolutely no concern to you! *shocked face*. If you commented on the size of a woman's belly before she was pregnant, you'd have gotten a slap and she'd probably have spent the rest of the day in a self conscious grump. Same goes for now, only with the added bonus of giving her unnecessary anxiety that her baby is too big/small. If someone's midwife is happy with the size of their bump (and, by the way, they're generally pretty confident about how many are in there) then so is the fuck off.

2. "Better get your sleep in/watch all the movies/have a life now - you won't when baby arrives!"

Well shit. Do babies not let you sleep? Do they take up loads of your time? I had NO idea, thank you for enlightening me!

Bonus points if you say this despite having absolutely no experience of babies or children yourself. Second-hand wisdom is my favourite kind.

3. "You're not fat, you're pregnant." / Via

I know I'm fucking pregnant - the fact that none of my clothes fit and wearing a dress makes me look like Homer Simpson in a muumuu is evidence of that. Just like it would if I was fat, funnily enough.

Being pregnant and being fat don't have to be mutually exclusive - if a pregnant woman says she feels fat, just let her feel fat - chances are she's not looking for compliments or validation.

4. "Are you having any more?"

Jeez, give me a minute! I haven't even had this one yet - ask me again when (if) my vagina has recovered from pushing a human child through it.

On second thoughts, don't - it's none of your business.

6. "Oh you can't have tea/coffee/cheese/pate/fun"


We know the rules. We know what we can and can't do/eat/drink, and we also know what we CAN. Believe it or not, most women will take the advice of their midwife over you. So if they want to drink a single coffee or pick up a box then they damn well will, whether you like it or not.

7. "Just wait until..."


It seems that no matter what stage you're at in pregnancy, there's always somebody gleefully waiting to tell you how much worse it's going to get. Tired? Just wait until the third trimester! Trouble sleeping? Just wait until you're bigger! Having super painful contractions? Just wait until you're pushing it out!

I'm fairly confident that at my child's 21st birthday, someone will be waiting to jump out from behind the cake to yell "JUST WAIT UNTIL THEY'RE 30!"

A woman's pregnancy-related aches, pains and woes are perfectly valid, no matter what stage she's at, and chances are you had exactly the same problems while you were pregnant - so kindly shut up.

9. Any comment on baby names.


What someone decides to name their child is nothing to do with you. They don't care if your half sister's uncle's daughter's dog groomer's son went to school with a bastard called X so you don't like that name.

If someone wants you to know their name choices, they'll tell you - so kindly keep your opinions to yourself.

Unless they're planning on naming their child Hashtag, in which case feel free to shut that shit down.

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