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Absolutely Everything You Need To Know About Bipolar Disorder

Or, 'The Reasoning Behind Carrie Mathison from Homeland's Cry Face'.

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...but don't worry, 1 in 4 of us will be affected by mental illness.

Mental illness still carries a lot of stigma attached to it, which sucks. People are worried about how they will be perceived, whether they will be fired from their jobs, or what their friends might think. It can still be awkward to talk about mental health.

But you're unrepentant and oblivious to rationality.

During a manic or hypomanic phase you are a whir of activity and ideas, creativity and charm. Mania can be frustrating too, because it is easy to get angry and irritable, but it feels like life is essentially on your side and nobody is gonna stand in your way.

You will look back on your behaviour, and be mortified.

Depending on the level of mania, you may well have been fired after having hit on your boss, got in trouble with the law after running from car roof to car roof, offended friends and family. Oh, you know, all fun stuff like that.

In fact, the only thing you can do is sleep...

...sometimes for 20 hours of the day. Which means you pretty much can't function or live – so you can imagine what that means for work, relationships and friendships. The unemployment rate for chronic mental health conditions, including bipolar disorder, is close to 90%.

So you're feeling all defensive and alone.

Which, in a normal state of mind, you realise is incredibly self-absorbed. But you are not in a normal state of mind. You don't believe that you're worthless, you absolutely know it.

But that's exhausting, so eventually you will hide yourself away.

You will literally ignore all forms of communication. Shout out to all of my lovely friends whose texts / voicemails / carrier pigeons I have ignored because I have been too mired in depression hell and didn't feel worthy of their attention.

Sometimes, strangely, the manic and depressive symptoms merge in a 'mixed episode'.

This is horrid, and often takes the energy levels of the manic episode and merges it with the general thought process of the depression.

A mixed state is the most dangerous episode of bipolar.

1 in 5 people with the illness take their own lives. 1 in 5 people. Suicidal ideation is a key symptom of depression, but often people literally do not have the energy to harm themselves. In a mixed episode, the negative thoughts are still there, but also coupled with the energy to carry out any such plan. Vigilance is imperative. Here is a list of some UK and international helpline numbers.

First of all, try not to be embarrassed.

One of the worst things about bipolarity is you can have very little control, and the illness is cyclical. So when an episode of mania or depression hits, it can be extremely embarrassing or disappointing and most of all, scary as hell, to realise it is happening all over again. Try not to beat yourself up – it is not your fault! It's a pain to have to pick yourself up again, but you can.

Remember that you have an illness, and it does not define you.

Sometimes, particularly when I am at my worst, I convince myself bipolar is a made up construct and that actually I am just a f*ck up. Then I look at the completely irrational but cyclical jumps in mood that happen in my life. Your brain chemistry is screwed, but that was never your choice. I've written about trying to accept this here.

Medication for most people is extremely important. But it's not a simple process finding the right one(s).

It can take a looong time to get the right combination and dose of medication that works well for you, unless you are very lucky. This is a very laborious and frustrating process. I have been through a lot of drugs, but hitting on the right combination genuinely saved my life. Keep at it. It's like wading through a selection box of chocolates without the menu.

Learn to live with your medication, and TAKE IT if it is working.

A lot of people with bipolar tend to stop taking their medication when they begin to feel relatively stable. This can be because people do not like the idea of taking medication, or because of the side effects, or because they simply feel they no longer need it. Stopping taking medication is referred to as 'non-compliance'. Taking meds is annoying, and expensive, but hey, if it keeps you stable, it is worth it. Read about some of the options here.

...will ideally mean you get much better at catching it out.

Over time, and with enough empirical experience and reading, you hopefully begin to recognise an episode coming on, or at least try to have a better idea.

Getting on the road to stability is the best feeling in the world!

There is no better feeling than pulling out of a depression or mixed state and feeling genuine happiness again, or alternatively, knowing that you have grasped some semblance of rational thought and are no longer making a fool of yourself during a manic phase. Equilibrium is sweet.

You don't need people in your life who judge you for the illness.

You are not bipolar; you have bipolar. There's a difference. Yeah, sometimes your partner, family and friends will deserve a medal to put up with your, quite frankly batshit, behaviour, but they stick with you cos they know you are awesome, even when you're pouring prosecco from the bottle at 4am on a work night, in their house, without having been invited, crying from a vein in your forehead.

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