This is Rick Kaepernick.
This is Rick's son, Colin. Colin's the starting quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers and one of the most exciting young passers in the league.
Rick Kaepernick is a cheese executive. To be more specific, he's the vice president of operations for Hilmar Cheese Company, based out of Hilmar, California. Prior to working at Hilmar, he worked in the dairy industry in Milwaukee, making him and Colin Green Bay Packers fans — aka Cheeseheads — until the 49ers drafted Colin in 2011.
This is Colin's enormous tortoise, Sammy. How do we know that Colin has an enormous tortoise named Sammy? Because of Rick.
Rick, aka @QBDAD7 — which is the greatest Twitter handle of all time, ever — tweeted this to Colin, aka @Kaepernick7, along with the picture seen above.
This is Colin's uncle, Rand, who Rick calls "forklift." Rand signs his tweets, which is awesome. The Kaepernicks are a cool family.
SAMMY'S BEEN WORKING OUT.
(Sidenote: Colin's brother Kyle has the Twitter handle @darthkaepernick. Great handle.)
Rick then had a conversation with a random 49ers fan, and, after an very endearing battle with Twitter's character limit, thanks the fan for his attention.
Then he put a helmet on the tortoise.
So, that's a pretty cool tortoise. He also tweets with Colin's former college teammates, who now play for other NFL teams.
Rick saying that Colin wishes he was as fast as him is 1) the most dad thing to say ever and 2) a running joke.
Like any good dad, he shares pictures of his son from his youth.
Also, like any good dad, he has no idea how to use Twitter. Here he tries to tweet something to someone named Jacqueline Newkirk. It takes a few tries.
And, when Colin's teammates go down with injuries — Kyle Williams suffered a season-ending ACL tear — Rick wishes them well.
So basically, Rick Kaepernick is the perfect football dad: He has a cool job, he makes goofy dad jokes about being more athletic than his NFL-quarterback son, he can barely use Twitter, and he sounds like a great guy.
And as parents to Colin, the Kaepernicks have a story that's both touching and brutal. After a son, Kyle, was born succesfully, two more sons died of congenital heart defects soon after birth. Then a daughter, Devon, survived, but for their third child, they decided to adopt. That son is Colin.
Colin was born on Nov. 3, 1987, in Milwaukee. His genetic mother, whom he has never met, was 19. His genetic father was out of the picture. His genetic mother had three criteria for picking Colin’s new family: siblings, financial stability and an athletic background. She picked Rick and Teresa, and shortly after 5-week-old Colin was living in New London, Wis., a city of about 6,700 residents located about 40 miles southwest of Green Bay.
Having that son turn into an NFL starting quarterback — not to mention a seemingly good person and well-liked teammate — seems like the perfect reward for that kind of good deed.