This is Rick Kaepernick.
This is Rick's son, Colin. Colin's the starting quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers and one of the most exciting young passers in the league.
Rick Kaepernick is a cheese executive. To be more specific, he's the vice president of operations for Hilmar Cheese Company, based out of Hilmar, California. Prior to working at Hilmar, he worked in the dairy industry in Milwaukee, making him and Colin Green Bay Packers fans — aka Cheeseheads — until the 49ers drafted Colin in 2011.
This is Colin's enormous tortoise, Sammy. How do we know that Colin has an enormous tortoise named Sammy? Because of Rick.
Rick, aka @QBDAD7 — which is the greatest Twitter handle of all time, ever — tweeted this to Colin, aka @Kaepernick7, along with the picture seen above.
@Kaepernick7 took ur pet for a walk today....his message to u is get in BEAST mode...he says he is. #heismissingyou http://t.co/TXL65cFK
@Kaepernick7 took ur pet for a walk today....his message to u is get in BEAST mode...he says he is. #heismissingyou http://t.co/TXL65cFK-- Rick Kaepernick
This is Colin's uncle, Rand, who Rick calls "forklift." Rand signs his tweets, which is awesome. The Kaepernicks are a cool family.
@QBDAD7 @Kaepernick7 Hope you didn't have any problem keeping up.
@QBDAD7 @Kaepernick7 Hope you didn't have any problem keeping up.-- rand d kaepernick
SAMMY'S BEEN WORKING OUT.
@forklift10 was tough, Sammy has been working out, but I managed.
@forklift10 was tough, Sammy has been working out, but I managed.-- Rick Kaepernick
(Sidenote: Colin's brother Kyle has the Twitter handle @darthkaepernick. Great handle.)
Happy birthday to my brother @darthkaepernick aka kyle! Would go to the end of the worldfor this man! http://t.co/FHnyil0d
Happy birthday to my brother @darthkaepernick aka kyle! Would go to the end of the worldfor this man! http://t.co/FHnyil0d-- Colin Kaepernick
Rick then had a conversation with a random 49ers fan, and, after an very endearing battle with Twitter's character limit, thanks the fan for his attention.
@QBDAD7 is that real ? Wow that's huge !!!!!
@QBDAD7 is that real ? Wow that's huge !!!!!-- #NinerFaithful
@Niners741983 it is real, Colin got him at age 10, held him in his palm. Today, he is 115 pounds and waiting for Colin to buy :)
@Niners741983 it is real, Colin got him at age 10, held him in his palm. Today, he is 115 pounds and waiting for Colin to buy :)-- Rick Kaepernick
@Niners741983 ran out of room, Sammy is waiting for colin buy his own house so he can move in:)))
@Niners741983 ran out of room, Sammy is waiting for colin buy his own house so he can move in:)))-- Rick Kaepernick
@QBDAD7 wow !! What a memorable story ! That thing is huge ! Thanks for the response , big fan of ur son
@QBDAD7 wow !! What a memorable story ! That thing is huge ! Thanks for the response , big fan of ur son-- #NinerFaithful
@Niners741983 thanks for being a fan of Colin's. Really appreciate it. Go Niners!!!!
@Niners741983 thanks for being a fan of Colin's. Really appreciate it. Go Niners!!!!-- Rick Kaepernick
Then he put a helmet on the tortoise.
@Kaepernick7 Sammy wanted to let you know he is working out and almost ready if AD or any lineman need a break. http://t.co/w5qOXMiI
@Kaepernick7 Sammy wanted to let you know he is working out and almost ready if AD or any lineman need a break. http://t.co/w5qOXMiI-- Rick Kaepernick
So, that's a pretty cool tortoise. He also tweets with Colin's former college teammates, who now play for other NFL teams.
@VGreen85 I see you on tv with that bronco sweatshirt on. Tell @Kaepernick7 to move out of the way quicker on a out of bounds play.
@VGreen85 I see you on tv with that bronco sweatshirt on. Tell @Kaepernick7 to move out of the way quicker on a out of bounds play.-- Rick Kaepernick
@QBDAD7 Kap said don’t trip lol
@QBDAD7 Kap said don’t trip lol-- Virgil Green
@VGreen85 ha ha, Kap just wishes he was as quick as me. Your brother playing good tonight. Love seeing it.
@VGreen85 ha ha, Kap just wishes he was as quick as me. Your brother playing good tonight. Love seeing it.-- Rick Kaepernick
Rick saying that Colin wishes he was as fast as him is 1) the most dad thing to say ever and 2) a running joke.
I'll let you fill in the blank! http://t.co/1Badofxw
I'll let you fill in the blank! http://t.co/1Badofxw-- Colin Kaepernick
RICK
@Kaepernick7 well, when I see you Monday night, that T-shirt should say RICK:) At least it would be the truth!!!
@Kaepernick7 well, when I see you Monday night, that T-shirt should say
RICK:) At least it would be the truth!!!-- Rick Kaepernick
Like any good dad, he shares pictures of his son from his youth.
@Kaepernick7 no chin hair, clean look:) http://t.co/CtD3QcMD
@Kaepernick7 no chin hair, clean look:) http://t.co/CtD3QcMD-- Rick Kaepernick
Also, like any good dad, he has no idea how to use Twitter. Here he tries to tweet something to someone named Jacqueline Newkirk. It takes a few tries.
Jacqueline Newkirk.
Jacqueline Newkirk.-- Rick Kaepernick
@jackinewkirk
@jackinewkirk-- Rick Kaepernick
Enjoying wine with your parents. Colin wants to see the tat "pink". Hope ur having fun. Go Air Force!!!!
Enjoying wine with your parents. Colin wants to see the tat "pink". Hope ur having fun. Go Air Force!!!!-- Rick Kaepernick
And, when Colin's teammates go down with injuries — Kyle Williams suffered a season-ending ACL tear — Rick wishes them well.
Psalms 118:6
Psalms 118:6-- Kyle Williams
@KyleWilliams_10 You are in Kap's family's thoughts and prayers. No doubt to us you will come back stronger. Keep the faith.
@KyleWilliams_10 You are in Kap's family's thoughts and prayers. No doubt to us you will come back stronger. Keep the faith.-- Rick Kaepernick
So basically, Rick Kaepernick is the perfect football dad: He has a cool job, he makes goofy dad jokes about being more athletic than his NFL-quarterback son, he can barely use Twitter, and he sounds like a great guy.
And as parents to Colin, the Kaepernicks have a story that's both touching and brutal. After a son, Kyle, was born succesfully, two more sons died of congenital heart defects soon after birth. Then a daughter, Devon, survived, but for their third child, they decided to adopt. That son is Colin.
Colin was born on Nov. 3, 1987, in Milwaukee. His genetic mother, whom he has never met, was 19. His genetic father was out of the picture. His genetic mother had three criteria for picking Colin’s new family: siblings, financial stability and an athletic background. She picked Rick and Teresa, and shortly after 5-week-old Colin was living in New London, Wis., a city of about 6,700 residents located about 40 miles southwest of Green Bay.
Having that son turn into an NFL starting quarterback — not to mention a seemingly good person and well-liked teammate — seems like the perfect reward for that kind of good deed.