1. Kenneth Branagh played a fanciful, ever-present British Abe Lincoln, aka British railway engineer Isambard Kingdom Brunel. (Which is a great name.)
2. Men in tophats danced.
3. The Industrial Revolution happened.
4. Men in tophats did something weird with their hands.
5. British Abe Lincoln stood in some sort of magic circle.
6. Suffragists appeared out of nowhere.
7. Sgt. Peppers’ Lonely Hearts Club Band showed up in like, the 1800s.
8. See? Back to the Industrial Revolution.
9. James Bond showed up to fetch the Queen.
10. The Royal Corgis helped.
11. Then they tried to make us think that the Queen jumped out of a plane.
12. Parachuted, in fact.
13. The Queen was excited.
14. Then there was a tribute to the National Health Service, of course.
15. It involved real-life nurses, dressed up as nurses from some bygone era.
16. Also, Mary Poppins(es).
17. Fighting Voldemort. I swear.
19. AERIAL COMBAT!
20. Mr. Bean played music.
22. And then he ran in the Chariots of Fire scene.
24. After that, it was the DIGITAL AGE, which, in the eyes of the Olympics, basically involves texting and social media and that’s it. Teens kissed.
25. And, uh, David Beckham showed up at the end. I’m telling you, it was weird.
- At least 11 people are dead and 69 hurt after explosions outside a stadium in Turkey, the country's health ministry says.
- Trump will reportedly pick ExxonMobil's CEO Rex Tillerson as secretary of state. He has a long history of oil deals with Russia.
- Gen. David Petraeus helped block the autopsy of an Afghan man who died mysteriously in US custody, emails show.
- People are in love with a dog who rides around in a decked out dog car spreading Christmas cheer to hospital patients 🐶🎄