2. John Axford, Relief Pitcher, Milwaukee Brewers
Pirates once sailed the
Seven Seas, seeking plunder.
Now they play baseball.
3. Brian Wilson, Relief Pitcher, San Francisco Giants
You think it’s a beard.
Brian thinks it’s a weapon
Of mass destruction.
4. Jayson Werth, Outfielder, Washington Nationals
Let the animals
Come to me; I am Jayson,
5. David Ortiz, Designated Hitter, Boston Red Sox
You can cut diamonds
On the edges of David’s
Beard. Fuck a mustache.
6. Clay Zavada, Relief Pitcher, Cincinnati Reds
Clay’s stache can bench more
Than any stache in the league.
Do not mess with it.
7. Manny Ramirez, Designated Hitter, Oakland Athletics
Kiss the facial hair,
Manny says. He then eats a
Whole honey-baked ham.
8. Jim Leyland, Manager, Detroit Tigers
Jim Leyland’s mustache
Smells like cigarettes, wisdom.
Drink deeply from it.
- Let the Brexit countdown begin: Prime Minister Theresa May has invoked Article 50. Britain is set to leave the EU by 2019.
- The US House of Representatives voted to undo landmark internet privacy rules that protect your sensitive information 💻
- Companies like Nestle, Ben & Jerry's, and General Mills say they'll keep fighting carbon pollution despite Trump's climate change executive order.
- Two UN investigators' bodies were found in a shallow grave after they went missing in the Democratic Republic of Congo.