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Have You Broken All Of My New Year's Resolutions Already?

It's okay. It's been like 10 days.

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  1. Have you used a Q-tip in the manner specifically forbidden by the warning on the package?

    funnyjunk.com
    Nope. I only swab gently around the outer surface of my ears like a normal person.
    Via thebrodskyblog.com
    Nope. I only swab gently around the outer surface of my ears like a normal person.
    No. I don't use ear swabs. I just wait until the wax forms large chunks that fall out on their own when I tilt my head.
    Via everydayhearing.com
    No. I don't use ear swabs. I just wait until the wax forms large chunks that fall out on their own when I tilt my head.
    Yep. There is no other way to use those things. NO. OTHER. WAY.
    Via imgur.com
    Yep. There is no other way to use those things. NO. OTHER. WAY.
    Via imgur.com
  2. Have you tried to start a book club at work for werebear "romance" novels?

    Sicily Duval, amazon.com
    No. And Ewww.
    No. That would clearly violate my employer's policies about sexual harassment.
    Yes. I'm probably going to get fired for talking about werebear sex at work.
  3. Have you watched New Girl?

    Fox, epguides.com
    No. I have self-respect.
    I have accidentally watched an episode or two because I couldn't find the remote.
    Dear Lord, I binge-watched the whole last season in a weekend.
  4. Did you advise your cat to get a divorce from her cat husband?

    No. I have no cats.
    No. I don't give advice to cats.
    No. My cats are all happily married.
    No, even though the love is clearly gone.
    Yes, even though I promised I wouldn't get involved in her drama.

Have You Broken All Of My New Year's Resolutions Already?

You haven't broken any of my stupid resolutions. Thanks for nothing.
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You have only broken some of my resolutions. I guess that makes you better than me. I'm okay with that.
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You have broken all of my resolutions. Thank you for making me feel less terrible about myself.
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