1. “Why are you even a Heat fan?”
Because I am. Why are you… not?
2. “You’re just a winner picker.”
No, my team just wins a lot. I’m sorry if that offends you.
3. When did you join the bandwagon?
Stop right there — I don’t have to detail the reasoning behind my allegiances to you.
4. “You were a Heat fan before LeBron went there? Prove it.”
Again, why you think I have to prove anything to you is beyond me.
5. “The only reason you’re good is because you bought your team.”
I mean, that’s not the only reason.
6. “And you bought all of your championships, too.”
If that’s the case, then so did every other team that’s ever won an NBA Championship.
7. “LeBron’s the biggest flopper in the league.”
Yeah, because LeBron James is the only basketball player who exaggerates on the court.
8. “Chris Bosh is way overpaid.”
At least Bosh has made it to the Finals for the past four years. Pau Gasol, Dwight Howard, Carmelo Anthony, Joe Johnson, Amar’e Stoudemire, Dirk Nowitzki, and Kobe Bryant all make more than CB, and they can’t say the same.
9. “And he looks like a raptor.”
Maybe. But he’s a glorious raptor, at that.
13. “And he’s so overrated — LeBron will never be Michael Jordan.”
Never say never…
14. “Pat Riley shouldn’t have left the Knicks like he did.”
It was 1995 — get over it.
15. “You have it so easy.”
NOT true! There was that time we had a 27-game winning streak and had to deal with losing the 28th game…
16. “Beat the Heat.”
Good luck with that.
17. “Kevin Durant deserves to win more than LeBron.”
If he deserves it, he’ll earn it.
18. “You have such a tough rivalry against the Pacers.”
In order to be competitive rivals, doesn’t the other time have to actually win?
19. “You’re all fair-weathered fans.”
False. We love them whether they win by 20 or 2.
20. “Spoelstra is overrated and walked into that coaching job.”
Spo has been a member of the Heat organization since 1995, before you probably even knew what a basketball was.
21. “The Spurs should’ve won the Championship last year.”
FAIR AND SQUARE.
22. “The refs are always on your side.”
Ha ha ha ha, that’s funny.
23. “You don’t deserve to three-peat.”
We’ll see about that.
- Donald Glover has been cast as Simba in Disney's remake of "The Lion King."