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17 Snowmen Who Have Absolutely No Chill

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1. "Valentine's Day. It looms."

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2. "Did you know the sun sets at 4:30 p.m. now?"

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3. "FOUR. FUCKING. THIRTY."

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4. "Why are people so proud of the fact that they can see their breath?"

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5. "Like, yeah, BECAUSE IT'S 3 DAMN DEGREES OUT BUT AT LEAST WE CAN SEE OUR OWN BREATH COOL."

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6. "It's not even February and my New Year's resolutions are shot to shit."

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7. "Do you have any idea how much snow is lying in wait?"

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8. "It's up there, right now, WAITING."

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9. "What's even the point of winter once the holidays are over? What is even the point?"

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10. "Not even alcohol can keep the cold out."

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11. "Absolutely nothing can keep the cold out."

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12. "We all look like amorphous blobs in our sweaters and our coats and our hats and our blankets."

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13. "No one's getting laid, absolutely no one."

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14. "BY GOD, WE MUST DO SOMETHING."

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15. "WE MUST FIND A WAY TO BANISH THIS GODFORSAKEN SEASON."

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16. "THERE ARE NO RULES, MAN. NO RULES."

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17. "ANARCHY REIGNS SUPREME."

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