How I Felt When My Sister Saw Hamilton For Her Birthday

Pretty much like Peggy.

1. At first, I felt happy for her, like how you would upon hearing someone share an accomplishment.

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I mean, I was pleased that my sister got to see the show with the soundtrack I'd been listening to for the past year, often on repeat for hours at a time. The part of me filled with basic human decency was chuffed at the thought of my sister getting to experience what will probably be regarded as this decade's greatest, most revolutionary (pun only slightly intended) musical theater production.

2. Then, jealous.

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I texted her: "Be sure to listen closely to my fav songs, they're called..." and as I wrote the names of nearly every track in the 2.5 hour long show, I felt the happiness quickly recede, as waves would along the shoreline proceeding a tsunami. My cheeks flushed red.

"I'm jealous," I realized. "I'm Aaron Burr."

And faintly, softly, a hushed whisper, cruely: "Sir."

3. And then, seething with rage.

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An unfair world spins twice as fast, and as colors blurred and shapes deconstructed, my head began to ache with a sharp throbbing sensation. Everything became senseless. My jealousy transformed into an anger so pronounced it was almost tangible. It looked like a winged creature, certainly on fire, and I alongside.

In that moment, I could have table flipped a ship-load of tea into a harbor.

I could have stolen the Declaration of Independence.

I could have proposed a duel.

"How DARE she see Hamilton."

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4. Numb. It was so nice of Linkin Park to write that song about me.

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"My sister is seeing Hamilton? Like, currently? Like, that's what she's doing right now?"

It was like when you say a word over and over until it becomes meaningless.

Which makes you wonder, isn't it all meaningless?

In California, the super bloom has turned the hillsides into Monet paintings, but each wildflower will soon wilt, and die. Every autumn, trees lose their leaves.

And Hamilton died. (Not a spoiler, he lived 250 years ago.)

5. Happy, again, like the first morning you wake up with clear sinuses after being sick with a cold.

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After the show ended, my sister texted me in all caps, "IT WAS SO GOOD! I WISH YOU WERE HERE!"

That's when I felt happy again.

Well, at least, I felt satisfied.