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1. A 20-piece Farberware mixing bowl and prep set to get you started making any meal or baked good your heart desires, all in a stylish aqua hue.
2. An expandable cutlery tray by the Pioneer Woman with seven compartments to give your forks, knives, and spoons a cozy floral home.
3. A plush sherpa throw blanket so you can burrito yourself into the sweet comfort of oblivion.
4. A 20-piece set of Rubbermaid pantry organization and food storage containers, because hardcore adults never let their pastas, cereals, or legumes become stale in trivial cardboard boxes.
5. A three-tier, space-saving spice rack to conveniently display the evidence that anything you cook will not be bland.
6. A mini Crock-Pot, because you've probably already heard tales of this legendary piece of cookery's magical abilities as a pressure cooker, slow cooker, rice cooker, sautéer, steamer, and yogurt maker.
7. A six-drawer spice and tea box by the Pioneer Woman to organize all your favorite warm and fuzzy beverages in an equally warm and fuzzy box.
8. An onion chopper to perfectly dice, slice, and measure ingredients without so much as a tear from you.
9. A stainless-steel grocery bag dispenser to mount on your wall and organize your chaotic, bag-lady energy.
10. A 16-piece food storage set with snap-locking lids, because your leftovers deserve to be kept fresh, comfortably stored away, and eventually eaten.
11. A Bissell vacuum to effortlessly steer through messes under heavy furniture or in awkward corners. Plus it works on carpet, bare floors, *and* stairs, and can even be used to clean hard-to-reach areas like shelves and fridge tops.
12. A Mr. Coffee machine that'll be more loyal than Lassie when it comes to making a quality cup of joe every morning from here on out. It's you two against the world now.
13. A durable Better Homes & Gardens 12-piece utensil set to prepare and cook any dish you put your mind to, without scratching your nonstick pans.
14. A collapsible colander that extends up to 26 inches and hovers over your sink so you don't actually have to wash your dishes before straining pasta ever again.
15. A BuzzFeed Tasty cutting board with measuring strips and four removable trays to catch your perfectly sliced ingredients. And in case that wasn't enough, the cutting board comes equipped with a garlic grater, two of the trays have cup measurement marks, the third tray can be used to strip herbs, and the fourth tray functions as a strainer.
16. A collapsible double hamper for those looking to separate their colors from their whites, or for squeamish couples who just moved in together and aren't looking to mix their unmentionables.
17. An electric wine opener with a foil cutter and wine pourer/stopper for those unfortunate souls who have suffered through a broken cork ruining the delicate balance of their red blend.
18. A super soft and thick cotton bath towel to cradle your naked bottom in absolute comfort and luxury.
19. A Conair fabric steamer that kills dust mites, bedbugs, and germs, because let's be honest, you're not whipping out the ironing board for that one shirt you need to look presentable right now.
20. A luxury double shower head with 24 different water flow patterns, because you deserve a mini massage in the morning after having the willpower to get out of bed.
21. A mini, lightweight steam iron, because if you've ever had to travel for a wedding, you know taking your glad rags out of your suitcase and hanging them up while you shower just ain't cutting it.
22. An Allswell memory foam cooling gel pillow for those forever striving to find the cold side of the pillow.
23. A set of 10 Wonder Hangers (calling all As Seen On TV fans) if your shopping habit cannot be tamed by the likes of your tiny closet.
24. A set of wrinkle-resistant microfiber sheets so you never have to be plagued by the creases caused by your restless sleeping again.
25. A set of 12 sleek stemless wineglasses that could easily double as regular drinking glasses, and no one would have to know.
26. A BuzzFeed Tasty nonstick Dutch oven to use on any cooking surface known to man and to get your meals done quicker.
27. A quiet waterproof cotton mattress pad with a hypo-allergenic filling to keep you cool and prevent any rustling noises from your restless bedfellow.
28. A set of blackout curtains to keep out light, heat, cold, and all forms of human interaction.
29. A Hamilton Beach electric kettle to quickly heat water for those who need their hot cocoa, STAT.
30. A set of four silicone pot holders that moonlight as trivet mats, jar openers, spoon rests, and garlic peelers because they like to keep things interesting.
31. A set of three nonstick skillets, because you're ready to explore greater culinary pursuits beyond frying an egg.
The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.