1. When she was just as prepared for natural disasters as you are:
Historic blizzard about to hit and this is everything we have to eat. Goodbye world.
2. When she, too, wondered if everyone who is sick decides to go to the theater at the same time:
"Only one place to take this hacking cough: the theatre!" - too many fucking people.
3. When she knew the best way to deal with a New Years resolution:
My resolution died peacefully in a pizza box.
4. When she had very necessary and good product improvement ideas:
Netflix, we need you to invent a couple's lock to prevent solo show-binging. Make it so.
5. When she recognized our truest, most deep relationship:
Great, Apple announced more products for me to become entirely emotionally dependent on.
6. When she called out New York's unnecessary ways:
I just passed a preschool for the performing arts. Chill out, New York.
7. When she brought up all of your conspiracy theory fears:
Hey, @CanadaGooseInc thanks for keeping New Yorkers alive. Seems like everyone has-- ... Wait a minute.. ARE YOU THE ONES MAKING IT COLD?!
8. When she showed off that pre-photoshop look:
Ugh well looks like I'm the latest victim of a non-retouched photo leak. #TheLazarusEffect #Friday27th
9. When she accurately described the cruel NYC summers:
I just went swimming! Oh wait sorry no I just walked down the street. #NewYorkSweaty
10. When she celebrated a truly glorious (future) gift:
Happy Valentines Day indeed: “@WIRED: We're closer than ever to a birth control pill for men: http://t.co/kBnauPBIJI ”
11. When she gave us an inside look into Mrs. Alamuddin and her husband's daily lives:
I would like to see the Clooneys' shared google calendar. 8am: A- represent Armenia in court, G-find someone to charm socks off.
12. When she made you realize that pandas > everything:
That sinking feeling when you realize that, no matter what, your baby won't be nearly as cute as a baby panda.
13. When she knew the importance of Jared Leto's beautiful, beautiful head of hair:
Actual note I just sent my manager, whose job it is to handle crucial decisions: "who does Jared Leto's ombré. This is important."
14. When she honored our lord and savior, Queen Bey:
My reaction to Beyoncé's new album is basically this but less subtle:
15. When she proposed a perfect new Instagram feature:
I think Instagram should confirm people want to post a duckface selfie before they do it and if they say yes their phone melts.
16. When she knew what the perfect, most ideal playlist was:
It's a Jenny Lewis kind of day. (Until later when it most definitely becomes a Jay Z kind of night)
17. When she said *exactly* what you were thinking:
I just checked my voicemail for the first time since June. You're better off sending me a note via carrier pigeon.
18. When she called out the real truth behind hella annoying phrases:
I highly doubt the words "calm down" have ever had the intended effect on anyone. We might as well say "hey, freak the fuck out!" instead.
19. When she understood what a truly perfect present looks like:
Now this is what I call a baby gift. Irish people know what's up. #butter #butter #butter #bread #andbutter
20. When she felt the same way about her Oscars fitting as we do about getting dressed daily:
Pic from my Oscar fitting:
21. And, this. THIS!!!
In the age of Google, unless you have no fingers, you're not allowed to ask what something is or where to find it or how to get there. Deal?
Thank you, Olivia, for being our voice of reason.
