Hi, we're Kristin and Sheridan, and we both have generously sized boobies, whoops:
Sheridan is a 40DDD, and Kristin is a 40DD. But more importantly, we have differently shaped breasts: Sheridan has pendulous breasts (they're shaped like two burritos swinging from her chest), and Kristin has wide-rooted breasts (they're shaped like the tops of two giant cupcakes). Yes, as anyone who has ever accidentally rolled over onto their own nipple can you tell you: Boobies come in many different shapes!
Despite our boobage, we're very intrigued by bralettes: bras that lack underwire and padding and are made to be seen — which are all the things we've been told bras SHOULDN'T be.
And to be honest, we were skeptical about whether two ladies (with like five D's between them) could survive wearing bralettes for a whole day, let alone an entire week. So we put ourselves (and our crabby water balloons) to the test:
HERE WAS THE PLAN:
1. We each got three bralettes.
2. We wore each one at least twice (and our fave a third time).
3. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART: Since the point of wearing bralettes is to, you know, actually see them — we had to come up with *~*~fun outfits*~*~ to wear with the bralettes for each day, including work. Because, true story, we are both slightly schlubby writers IRL and we (Kristin, who loves to make things hard 4 no reason) wanted the challenge of trying to Make. It. Work.
First, we saw what our boobs looked like in a regular bra vs. a bralette...and we were little concerned.
We both found that all three bralettes we tried lifted and shaped our boobs the same way — i.e., made them very flat — which was sad.
Here's Kristin's muffin-shaped 40DD boobs:
And here's Sheridan's burrito-shaped 40DDD boobs:
Bralette #1 was a cage-style bralette:
Outfit #1: We both go in a subtle direction for Kristin's engagement party:
Kristin: Sheridan literally told me that I shouldn't wear a bralette to my engagement party, which was a dare if I have ever heard one before. This bralette is mostly just a necklace that you wear. Honestly, not having to worry about finding ~the right bra for this dress~ was super liberating, because most people just thought it was part of the dress.
Sheridan: I had to go to an engagement party (cough cough Kristin’s), so I wanted to look somewhat classy. I thought the very adult wrap dress mixed with the obviously very young S&M bralette was a nice balance. Chic with a bit of naughtiness.
Outfit #2: We push the limits of how much bralette we can wear to work.
Kristin: Do my boobs look like two hamburger buns lost in a fabric store? Yes, and thanks for asking. But also, I was able to figure out a way to wear a sheer shirt without having to layer myself into the next decade.
Sheridan: This black bralette busted my balls. I’m not used to 400 straps, but since they were there, I decided to really let it show. This outfit was surprisingly comfortable even though I looked like Sporty Spice mixed with a bit of Bondage Spice.
Our overall thoughts on the cage black bralette:
Kristin: Look, unless your boobs come already shaped like the model's in the photo, they ain't gonna look like that in this bralette (or like, any bralette). That said, the eight extra seatbelts attached to it were fierce as hell. Grade: A-
Sheridan: This bralette felt fine, but honestly the extra straps just scream Rocky Horror to me. Grade: B-
Bralette #2 was a halter-style T-back bralette:
Outfit #3: In which we are both pretty stumped about how to wear what is basically a hot pink halter bikini top as part of an outfit:
Kristin: Today is when I realized just how few outfits I own where "seeing my bra" is a going concern — I know they're just bras, not Scarlet B's, or whatever, but it's hard to retrain your brain. And besides, this is why Fashion Jesus invented the keyhole back, right?
Sheridan: Before you say anything, yes, I know I have some sagalicious boobs, and you know what? It’s OK! I’ve accepted my lot in life. Usually my bras do a good job of keeping these bad boys up, but man oh man does this T-shirt and bralette combo really…accentuate my boobs’ gravitational pull.
Outfit #4: We actually figure out how to use the shape and the pops of color in this bralette to our advantage:
Kristin: I went to work this day thinking that I was king shit of rebel mountain because you could see my bra at work, and now this is my new favorite outfit. Also, because this bralette separates the two boobs, by the end of the day it was incredibly obvious which of my boobs was bigger than the other; it was the one about to fall out of its car seat.
Sheridan: I thought this dress did a good job of hiding the cranberry bralette — and it even looks like I have some kind of support! I wouldn’t be able to dance in this outfit, because, you know, these boobs don’t listen to anyone.
Overall thoughts on the halter T-back cranberry bralette:
Kristin: This is the bra you wear when you want everyone to know which of your boobs is definitely bigger than the other, because the bigger one is going to fall out the side of this bra like a melted cupcake. Grade: B+
Sheridan: Yeah, I pretty much hated this bra. The halter style dug into my back (plus halter anything should be banned from all fashion), and my boobs really look like the cups and bands of this bralette are more like a life suggestion. Grade: D
Bralette #3 was a regular ol' lacy bralette:
Outfit #5: Where we figure out that bralettes can give your outfit distinct advantages:
Kristin: Much like the other bralettes, the lack of support here makes it look like my boobs have sunk to the bottom of the ocean. But on the upside: This shirt is so billowy that the fact that my boobs are pancake flat makes it actually fit better.
Sheridan: I pretty much live in leggings and workout tops, so I had to make sure at least one of my outfits included my daily uniform. Though I didn’t get the support I wanted while running around, I think my boobs looked quite perky, which is no easy feat.
Outfit #6: In which our bralettes helped us out with with lower-cut shirts:
Kristin: I discovered that I can't wear this top with a normal bra, because it actually lifts my boobs up and out of the top of it, so while I don't super enjoy that my boobs look like a pair of molasses torpedoes slowly trying to bomb my feet, it's a good match — but maybe next time with a bralette with more fabric coverage.
Sheridan: I hate this outfit, you hate this outfit, everyone hates this outfit. I was thinking I’d have the blue bralette peek out of the dress (which I tried to make into a shirt), but I think I just ended up looking like the world’s most endowed librarian.
Overall thoughts on the blue bralette:
Kristin: Look, you're allowed to have whatever boob shape you feel like having, but for me: There's saggy, and then there's so saggy that it looks like my underboob ate this bra for lunch. Grade: D-
Sheridan: This bra was super comfortable but didn't do much for the tatas in terms of support. I loved how it felt like a sports bra but was cute enough to wear in public without looking like I'm pretending to go to the gym. Grade: A-
Kristin: The Torrid strappy lace bralette. You probably shouldn't wear it to trampoline school, but I appreciated that it allowed me to really double down on my not having to give a fuck if people can see my bra.
Sheridan: The Cosabella "Never Say Never Sweetie" bralette. I LOVE THIS OUTFIT SO MUCH (for realz, it’s my new go-to). This is where I really let it all hang out. A bralette as a top? You don’t have to be a skinny girl wearing wings at Coachella to pull it off! Plus I got aaaallllll the compliments at work so A+.
Sheridan: I think I would try wearing bralettes again — it makes getting ready in the morning way more interesting. What surprised me the most was how my style changed. I’d describe my style as European athlete going to a club (think tomboy but with a dash of HERE ARE MY BOOBS PEOPLE), but I found myself gravitating toward more, dare I say, ~feminine~ styles to show off these bralettes. On that note, T-shirts + big boobs + bralettes = ugh.
Kristin: I am literally wearing one right now. But I do think this was easier for me than Sheridan (in terms of support) because my breast shape is just a little more spread out. Like, don't get me wrong, no one should go through life with extremely inferior chest seatbelts, but thanks to bralettes, I literally just discovered some of my new favorite outfits — even if I have to take the stairs a little more delicately.