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30 Things Only Hypochondriacs Will Understand

I really don't want to die, it's just that I'm pretty sure I'm dying.

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1. Getting a second opinion means checking WebMD AND the Mayo Clinic.

2. You've correctly self-diagnosed yourself at least once…and that makes the paranoia even worse.

NBC / Via giphy.com

What if I'm right AGAIN?!

3. You take chest pain very seriously, which is why you always think you are having a heart attack.

It's taken all the fun out of bacon.
Via imgur.com

It's taken all the fun out of bacon.

4. When you get a little sick, you lie awake thinking it's something worse, and then you get sicker.

5. The Mayo Clinic Symptom Checker has completely ruined your mental health.

Costochondritis? Did I get that from Costco?!
Via mayoclinic.com

Costochondritis? Did I get that from Costco?!

6. Your friends and family routinely ban you from googling your symptoms.

7. Headache...or tumor? Cyst...or tumor? Birthmark...or tumor? Cheerio that fell down your shirt...or tumor?

See also: Zit or cold sore?
Via quickmeme.com

See also: Zit or cold sore?

8. You don't get backaches, you get kidney problems.

But if I drink any more water, my electrolytes might get out of balance, DEAR GOD.
Via i.imgur.com

But if I drink any more water, my electrolytes might get out of balance, DEAR GOD.

9. Poop issues are the worst, because they're scary AND you can't tell anyone about them.

Via imgur.com

10. If your head is feeling a little warm, then you're taking your temperature at least three times.

The first one didn't count, you had water beforehand.
Via imgur.com

The first one didn't count, you had water beforehand.

11. For the ladies, constantly worrying that you are pregnant even if this is embarrassingly unlikely.

Via imgur.com

12. When your doctor asks about your symptoms, they're all direct quotes from WebMD.

Via fairytaleacademy.tumblr.com

You're just trying to be helpful.

13. Sometimes you wish your appendix would just burst and get it over with, already.

Via imgur.com

14. Bug bites become terrifying little enigmas to you.

Is it fleas?? Shingles?? Hives?? Warts?? West Nile?? People get West Nile all the time.
Via satansjeweledcrown.tumblr.com

Is it fleas?? Shingles?? Hives?? Warts?? West Nile?? People get West Nile all the time.

15. Any tiny symptom that lasts for longer than a week is no longer a tiny symptom.

16. Whenever your throat feels scratchy, you immediately blame the last co-worker of yours who coughed.

New Line Cinema / Via giphy.com

Stop infecting my life, Kevin.

17. You frequently wish there was a way to google skin rashes without actually having to look at any.

Via imgur.com

18. You're constantly worried that your doctor might be having an off day when you visit.

FOX / Via danielasmb.tumblr.com

What if they're tired? Distracted? SICK?

19. You've learned by now which friends take you seriously and which friends don't.

20. You sometimes feel completely overwhelmed by all the degenerative illnesses that run in your family.

NBC / Via rdj-rpc.tumblr.com

SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

21. In college, getting a roommate who was pre-med was like hitting the jackpot.

NBC / Via gifbay.com

The jackpot of answers!

22. Crooked smile? Nerve damage.

Also, stroke.
Via imgur.com

Also, stroke.

23. You’re relieved when you receive antibiotics. BUT WHAT IF YOU’RE ALLERGIC TO THE ANTIBIOTICS?

NBC / Via giphy.com

24. Leaving the house without Purell makes you feel naked.

25. You know exactly how much it costs to go to the emergency room.

The intake nurses know which arm you like your bracelet on.
Via drummerboy12.tumblr.com

The intake nurses know which arm you like your bracelet on.

26. You're constantly needin' that D.

You're wondering if the limits on the box regarding the allowable daily intake of the D are flexible.
Via schoolhealth.com

You're wondering if the limits on the box regarding the allowable daily intake of the D are flexible.

27. You know exactly which diseases dogs can give to humans.

28. You suspect that sometimes your doctor is giving you a prescription just to make you go away.

Via imgur.com

29. Any hangover that lasts longer than a day is obviously mono or the flu.

Via imgur.com

30. If you don't get better after antibiotics, it's because your infection has now mutated into a super bacteria, which will end the world.

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