Warning: This post contains photoshopped images of bodies that some may find triggering.
3. While everyone knows that comic books are fantasy, many of the poses that female characters are drawn in look a little painful:
Many people, such as Ami Angelwings who runs the Tumblr Escher Girls, or these people attempting to sit in the impossible Mary Jane position, have drawn attention to the uncomfortably contorted positions that female comic book characters often find themselves in, in order to make sure they are showing ~MAXIMUM BOOBS AND BUTTS~.
4. So, a group of us ladies (of various shapes and sizes) decided to try out some of these poses to see juuuuust how funcomfortable they really are:
It was, uh, interesting!
5. Afterward, we had the photos of our poses photoshopped so that they resembled the actual characters.
Because we wanted to see what our bodies would look like if we could ACTUALLY get them in these positions.
7. Swipe right to see Nina’s photo after being photoshopped into Spider-Woman’s pose:
Changes made to Nina’s photo: Lengthened and slimmed thighs, lengthened back, slimmed back, exaggerated butt, enlarged butt crack.
Nina’s reaction to the photoshopped photo: BEHOLD MY HEART BUTT. It’s like my ass is saying “I love you” to the world. Also my thighs are about a foot longer. I guess this is how I’d look if I were 6’3”. The top half of the photo just isn’t me at all. They might as well have just put my face on a cartoon body, because that’s what it is. I don’t look human.
8. Kirsten tried one of Wonder Woman’s poses:
How doing the pose felt: MAN, did my pose hurt. I used muscles in my body I never knew I had (or maybe don’t have and that’s the issue?). I was in major pain and at one point my leg cramped up. If someone was actually charging at me, I wouldn’t have time to pop my ass out beforehand.
9. Swipe right to see Kirsten’s photo after being photoshopped to match Wonder Woman’s pose as closely as we could:
Changes made to Kirsten’s photo: Enlarged and pushed up breasts, slimmed waist, enlarged butt, exaggerated hip, slimmed and lengthened thighs, slimmed and lengthened lower leg
Kirsten’s reaction to the photoshopped photo: My stomach looks like it has room for exactly two peas in it. And that is the absolute maximum capacity. I don’t know who that lady is, but she is nottttt me. The weird thing is, I didn’t THINK I looked large in the original until I saw it side by side with the other one.
10. Allison tried a pose belonging to Black Widow*:
How doing the pose felt: This shit is physically impossible if you have bones, muscles, and organs. Without those things you might stand a chance. Maybe if I go to yoga every day for a decade, I might be able to get it half right? I expected it to be a damn mess, and it was. It really was. Pretty sure I need to see a chiropracter now.
*This is the Yelena Belova Black Widow, not Natasha Romanov!
11. Swipe right to see Allison’s photo after we photoshopped her body into Black Widow’s pose:
Changes made to Allison’s photo: Enlarged and pushed up breasts, shortened and repositioned lower legs, lengthened torso, slimmed waist, added and enlarged right buttcheek.
On seeing the photoshopped photo: Look at that booty! But why didn’t they photoshop my toes to make them look normal?
12. Sheridan tried out one of Red Sonja’s poses:
How doing the pose felt: I never went back after the free introductory yoga class, but for some reason, I thought posing as if I was taking a standing-up dump would be my second calling. It was not. I couldn’t understand how all of my body parts were supposed to come together and effortlessly pose like a sexy cartoon superhero. You see my hand? I’m trying to stop hell from coming for me.
13. Swipe right to see Sheridan’s photo after we photoshopped it into Red Sonja’s pose:
Changes made to Sheridan’s photo: Enlarged and pushed up breasts, slimmed waist, enlarged butt, exaggerated hip, slimmed and lengthened thighs, slimmed and lengthened lower leg.
Sheridan’s reaction to her photoshopped photo: Well, I learned something new today: rib cages — who needs ‘em? I think I look like Kim Kardashian when she gets a little too trigger happy with the photoshopping on her Instagram pics. It’s just so laughable to me. My boobs, however, have never been so perky. Seriously not even two push-up bras could get me that sort of lift on a normal day. Huzzah!
14. Candace tried out one of Storm’s poses:
How doing the pose felt: I thought I would just be chillin’, waiting to save the day, but that hip pop was hard for a basic girl like me. My knees were killing me, but I’ll tell you this right now, I would not be adorned in a red lip and push-up bra if I was fighting crime.
15. Swipe right to see how Candace looked after we photoshopped her into Storm’s pose:
Changes made to Candace’s photo: Rounded shoulders, curved and pushed arms back, enlarged and pushed up breasts, slimmed waist, slimmed thighs, exaggerated hip, moved and restructured pelvis.
On seeing the photoshopped photo: WOWOW I look like Sofia Vergara and a Barbie gave birth to me TBH, but my vagina looks like a FUPA meets a balloon. Now I know what I look like with big boobs so I guess that’s a plus?
16. Kristin tried one of Psylocke’s pose:
How doing the pose felt: I was pretty sure the legs would be the hardest part of this pose. THAT WAS FALSE. As it turns out, my torso is actually too short. So in order to show everyone my boobs and butt at the same time, I had to bend my back in half, like a really annoyed taco who hates you.
17. Swipe right to see Kristin’s photo after we photoshopped her to match Psylocke’s pose:
Changes made to Kristin’s photo: enlarged and pushed out breasts, slimmed and lengthened thighs, separated right thigh, pulled leg out, created a composite butt, pulled butt out from underneath body.
Kristin’s reaction to the photoshopped photo: I look like someone grafted a Barbie onto a busted pair of hot dogs. Like my right thigh is literally so angry that it is just flipping people off, and frankly, I don’t blame it.
Nina (Spider-Woman): I get that comics are stylized and that’s fantasy. But why does so much of the fantasy revolve around half-naked women contorted to show off their boobs and butts? It feels like a way to take away their power. Like “Oh yea, she’s strong and powerful, but she’s definitely fuckable too, don’t worry.” We should be able to celebrate our power and strength without needing to worry if we’re sufficiently “hot.”
Kirsten (Wonder Woman): Seeing myself and the other ladies in these poses looks unnatural AF. I would prefer to see all of us in strength poses, especially since we’re supposed to be emulating superheroes. Heroines are supposed to fight crime and save the world, not twerk while they’re rescuing humankind.
Allison (Black Widow): This bums me out to see how ridiculous the poses are for every single female superhero. It would be really cool to see powerful, nonsexualized poses that don’t objectify women be the norm instead of this crap.
Sheridan (Red Sonja): I just find everything so hilariously awful. I know a lot of people will say “it’s just a cartoon” or “it’s not real” but what people don’t realize is how these images can actually affect women — and men alike. We’re perpetuating an image that is physically impossible to attain. Is there something wrong with having women with rib cages fight crime? Or do they HAVE to have heart-shaped bums in order to succeed?
Candace (Storm): Man, we all look so crazy, and have such an unrealistic expectation to look incredible. This pretty much goes for men in comics too. I mean, yes, I would be ripped if I was tearing through the city skyline but would that also call for rapid boob growth and my clothes to disappear? Nah. I didn’t realize how insane the proportions were until we were actually photoshopped.
Kristin (Psylocke): Unless you completely lack object permanence, you can deal with not seeing both boobs and butt at the same time. Like, give readers some credit: When a character turns around, it’s not like we all go “BUT WHERE DID THE BOOBS GO? ARE THE BOOBS GONE FOREVER? I NEED ASSURANCES THAT THERE ARE STILL BOOBS HERE.” In fact, the only people who actually think this way are real-life babies, and they can’t read comics, anyway!
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