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17 Stupidly Wonderful Clothing Items You Can Actually Buy This Fall

For when you want a sweater that doubles as a straightjacket.

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1. Thakoon Vested Cape, $690

https://www.shopbop.com/vested-cape-thakoon-addition/vp/v=1/1555899365.htm?folderID=2534374302066271&fm=other-shopbysize-viewall&os=false&colorId=35766
https://www.shopbop.com/vested-cape-thakoon-addition/vp/v=1/1555899365.htm?folderID=2534374302066271&fm=other-shopbysize-viewall&os=false&colorId=35766

Leo: I think there was a mix-up at the factory.

Kristin: "I'm sorry, ma'am, we weren't able to save the denim jacket, the flannel was just... [sniff] too far advanced."

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Leo: Official uniform of the Sing Sing All-Stars.

Kristin: What is going on here? Is this a kid whose parents forbid her from wearing denim, and so she's way overcompensating to get back at them? "THE LEVI'S FACTORY AND I ARE IN LOVE, DAD."

7. American Retro Mohair Pants, $579

nastygal.com

Leo: Oooh! Mohair! I remember when I had a real mohair moment in the late '90s.

Kristin: If you buy these, can you literally sit anywhere in NYC? Like, does it become more or less impossible to put you butt down on any public surface without ruining them?

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10. Forever 21 Squad Goals T-Shirt, $15.90

Via forever21.com

Kristin: So your squad goals is just yourself? That's like wearing a T-shirt that just has the words "Football Team."

Leo: Agree, this would make more sense if it read "squad goalie."

Kristin: Because at least then we know her position in the squad.

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https://www.shopbop.com/candy-floss-wrap-scarf-charlotte/vp/v=1/1575495831.htm?folderID=2534374302207430&fm=other-shopbysize-viewall&os=false&colorId=11236
https://www.shopbop.com/candy-floss-wrap-scarf-charlotte/vp/v=1/1575495831.htm?folderID=2534374302207430&fm=other-shopbysize-viewall&os=false&colorId=11236

Leo: The DIY version of this would just be to get a remnant of shag carpeting and wrap it around your neck.

Kristin: This looks like someone who paid $50,000 to hunt Sesame Street characters in the wild.

14. Spiritual Gangster Logo Beanie, $35

https://www.shopbop.com/logo-beanie-spiritual-gangster/vp/v=1/1525231844.htm?folderID=2534374302207430&fm=other-shopbysize-viewall&os=false&colorId=22217
https://www.shopbop.com/logo-beanie-spiritual-gangster/vp/v=1/1525231844.htm?folderID=2534374302207430&fm=other-shopbysize-viewall&os=false&colorId=22217

Leo: "Spiritual Gangster"? So is that like, Jesus?

Kristin: A spiritual gangster is anyone who tries to sell you magic crystals for $40 and then laughs their stupid hat off all the way to the bank.

https://www.shopbop.com/macdougal-tent-booties-marc-by/vp/v=1/1541285054.htm?folderID=33279&fm=other-shopbysize-viewall&os=false&colorId=34594
https://www.shopbop.com/macdougal-tent-booties-marc-by/vp/v=1/1541285054.htm?folderID=33279&fm=other-shopbysize-viewall&os=false&colorId=34594

Leo: I think 20 years ago, this is what we thought people of the future would legitimately be wearing. (AND NOW WE ARE! IS YOUR MIND BLOWN?) They do look rather cozy, though.

Kristin: If you need this much protection from the elements, WHY ARE YOU WEARING AN ANKLE BOOTIE?

https://www.shopbop.com/maya-poncho-christophe-sauvat-collection/vp/v=1/1505528569.htm?folderID=2534374302066271&fm=other-shopbysize-viewall&os=false&colorId=12867
https://www.shopbop.com/maya-poncho-christophe-sauvat-collection/vp/v=1/1505528569.htm?folderID=2534374302066271&fm=other-shopbysize-viewall&os=false&colorId=12867

Leo: Winter: It's all about bathing yourself in mountains of sequins.

Kristin: I can die now that I know what Joan Collins would look like if she were bitten by a radioactive spider.