1. When someone you don't really know hugs you, it is just a nightmare.
You wish your skin came with an eject button.
2. Everyone seems to be sobbing at sad movies except for you.
3. People who demand that you talk to them about your feelings are the worst kinds of people.
4. When people tell you they love you, there is a good chance you will not know what to say back.
5. Dating feels like an overwhelming chore that you are forever avoiding.
6. "Friends with benefits" is your all-time favorite relationship status.
7. You have no idea why anyone would want to talk about "the state of their relationship” with anyone else.
8. You are pretty sure that you are impossible to flirt with.
9. Because you're basically a robot, you are usually the person everyone looks to when there is a crisis.
10. But you have literally no idea what to say when people are crying.
ESPECIALLY when children are crying. At least you can give a crying adult a beer.
11. It’s almost impossible to pick a fight with you, because getting upset about nothing isn't your thing.
12. If you have to talk about something serious or emotional, you prefer to do it with jokes.
13. You fundamentally do not understand people who listen to their hearts all the time.
14. You avoid overly dramatic people like they are the plague.
15. On the rare occasion that you do cry, it's of vital importance that you escape before anyone finds out about it.
16. Whenever anyone asks about your crushes or dating life, you change the subject immediately.
17. It’s not that you’re bad at returning texts, it’s just that you’re terrible at it.
18. People are always mistaking your silence for anger or sadness.
19. Most people hate funerals because they are sad, but you hate funerals because they are so uncomfortable.
20. Being forced to say anything really personal in front of a large group feels the same to you as having to pee in front of them.
21. There is no person you would rather cuddle with than yourself, in your own personal space.
22. You sometimes wish people would stop trying to draw you out, and just enjoy your company the way it is.