When you see a cool dog at brunch:
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1. Ugh, these eggs are --
2. OMG.
3. THERE'S A DOG.
4. IT'S A DOG.
5. WE HAVE DOG.
6. DOG ALERT.
7. DOG DOG DOG.
8. IT'S A FUCKING AMAZING DOG.
9. LOOK AT THAT DOG.
10. LOOK AT IT SITTING RIGHT OVER HERE.
11. Annnnnd, the friend I'm in a conversation with has figured out that I am not paying attention to them.
12. It's OK, I'll just explain that there is a fucking amazing dog over --
13. OH MY GOD THE DOG JUST DID A THING.
14. NOW IT'S DOING ANOTHER THING.
15. DOG FOR PRESIDENT.
16. Sigh, OK, I know you're still upset about your break-up, Kevin, but can't you see there's still beauty in the world? There's an amazing dog, like, right over there.
17. I wonder if I could go over and... pet that cool dog.
18. No, no -- that'd be crazy annoying.
19. And what if the dog is afraid of people?
20. But what if the dog LOVES PEOPLE?
21. NO, look, you can't just bother a person at breakfast because you want to pet their dog. Breakfast foods are sacred.
22. OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED THE DOG IS WEARING A SCARF.
23. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
When you see a cool dog while you're driving:
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24. Am I supposed to make a left turn on Fairfax, or --
25. OH MY GOD IT'S A COOL DOG HANGING OUT A CAR WINDOW.
26. HOW DID IT TAKE ME 3 SECONDS TO SEE THAT DOG.
27. Look at her! She loves car rides! She loves them so much! Car rides!
28. HIRE THAT DOG. MAKE HER THE CEO OF CAR RIDES.
29. I wonder if I have time to follow this dog with my car a little.
30. Is that stalking? Can you stalk a dog?
31. OH MY GOD THERE SHE GOOEEES.
32. Why are people honking? Is it for the dog?
33. Oh shit, I just sat here for an entire traffic light cycle.
When you pass someone walking down the street who has a cool dog:
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34. OMG, HERE COMES A DOG.
35. IT'S COMING RIGHT TOWARD US.
36. LOOK. AT. IT'S. FACE.
37. Oh my god, the amazing dog and I are about to cross paths.
38. Can I pet it?
39. No, that dog's owner probably needs to get somewhere.
40. Maybe I'll just shout, "Hey, cool dog!"
41. Does that count as cat-calling? Can you cat-call a dog?
42. OK, DECISION TIME.
43. I'm just going to smile at it AND HOPE THAT IT SMILES BACK AT ME!
44. And I just ran into a lamppost.
When someone brings a cool dog to the office:
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45. What... what is that pitter-patter sound?
46. Is that a
47. Oh
48. Oh my god
49. Oh my god it is
50. SOMEONE HAS BROUGHT A BEAUTIFUL FURRY CREATURE TO SAVE US.
51. THIS DOG IS A BEACON OF LIGHT IN AN OTHERWISE HORRIBLE WORK CAGE.
52. WHERE WAS JOY BEFORE DOG.
53. Wow, I have never seen a line form so fast to pet a dog.
54. UGH, people are getting pictures with the dog?
55. LET SOME OF US HAVE SOME DOG TIME TOO.
56. OK BUT ALSO: I totally want a picture with this dog.
57. How long can I pet someone's dog at work before it gets weird?
58. Could I get away with 45 minutes of petting?
59. I'm going to try for 45 minutes of petting.
When you see a cool dog tied up outside a store:
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60. OMG IT'S A GREAT DOG. WEE OOO WEE OOO GREAT DOG EMERGENCY.
61. HELLO, 911, WHAT'S YOUR EMERGENCY? OH, IT'S JUST AN AMAZING DOG.
62. HE LOOKS SO SAD.
63. WHERE IS HIS OWNER?
64. If anyone steals this dog, I will hunt them down and exact some Liam Neeson-style revenge.
65. Should I stay out here and watch this dog? He needs to be protected from weirdos who are obsessed with random dogs.
66. Like... uh, me, I guess.
67. Well, I am now a human who allows random dogs to sniff and lick their hands.
68. That's OK. I am OK with that.
69. But as long as I know this dog is friendly....
70. I'M TOTALLY GOING TO PET THE SHIT OUT OF IT.
71. GOOD DOG GOOD DOG YOU ARE THE BEST DOG EVER.
