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Weddings

Here's The Best Way To Pee In Your Wedding Dress Without Ruining Everything

You're welcome, everyone's bridesmaids.

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Hi, I'm Kristin, and I'm getting married. Unfortunately, I also have a tiny bladder, and I am VERY WORRIED about how I will be able to pee while I am engulfed in a wedding dress.

Ah, weddings: an event that requires all the skills for surviving in the wilderness, while using all the brain power of vodka.

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So, I decided to test out four different ways to use the bathroom while wearing a wedding dress without, erm... dunking anything expensive into the toilet.

View this video on YouTube

THE METHODS I TRIED:

1. The Bridal Buddy: $67.95 (after shipping)

2. A 38-gallon trash bag (as seen on Offbeat Bride): ~$8.00 for a box of 30.

3. Sitting backward on the toilet, and having my skirt lifted from behind.

4. Sitting normally on the toilet, and having someone lift my skirt from behind, and from the front.

Before we go any further, I would like to stress that I am not ACTUALLY doing any bathroom business nor am I naked in any of these photos.

I wore Spanx under my underwear so I could test how easy it would be to remove my undergarments without actually getting naked. In fact, the only reason why we shot these in a bathroom was because I felt it was the simplest way to truly test the maneuverability, so you're welcome, everyone's bridesmaids.

Got it? All right, cool, let's go look at some ridiculous photos!

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The Bridal Buddy is a slip with drawstrings on both the top and the bottom. Here's how it works:

Charlotte Gomez/BuzzFeed

Pros: The armholes make gathering the dress MUCH faster. Also it's white, which is the same color as your dress, so you can wear it all day.

Cons: It's white, which is the same color as your dress, so the second you put it on, your dress and the Bridal Buddy also get married, and finding the Bridal Buddy without your dress tagging along becomes an exercise in polite frustration. Congratulations, you are now a matchmaker for two pieces of fabric.

The Bridal Buddy WORKED BEST for the fit-and-flare skirt (when I had help):

How long did it take to sit on the toilet? 1 minute, 15 seconds WITH someone helping me to gather the dress into the Bridal Buddy. I did not even attempt it without help, because I did not have a spare four days in which to conduct my life entirely inside a bathroom.

Also, I don't mean to brag, but I somehow managed to lose the drawstring toggle for the neck part, like, instantly.

Bridal Buddy also worked pretty quickly with the A-line skirt:

How long did it take to sit on the toilet? 1 minute with help, about 3½ minutes without help, but I was VERY worried about the dress leaking out of the bottom.

Unfortunately, the Bridal Buddy was eaten alive by the raw heft and power of the ball gown.

This was obviously never going to work — this skirt is big enough where, if I had fallen over, they would have had to send a search party.

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Here's how the garbage bag method works:

Charlotte Gomez/BuzzFeed

Pros: You don't have to wear it all day, it's cheap.

Cons: Multiple plastic bags = not great for the environment. Also, the lack of armholes means it takes longer than the Bridal Buddy to use unless you have a pit crew helping you shove the dress into the bag.

The garbage bag was A+ effective with the fit-and-flare skirt:

How long did it take to sit on the toilet? About 2 minutes and 30 seconds with help, but the skirt helps to hold the bag up so well that you feel VERY secure, like a little bag of trash who can do anything!

But the garbage bag WORKED BEST with the A-line skirt:

How long did it take to sit on the toilet? 1 minute 40 seconds without help, about 45 seconds with help. Seriously, I could have gone out and done a dance and this bag would have stayed up.

AND LOL 38 gallons of trash bag is clearly no match for the ball gown, the bounce house of dresses:

Incidentally, you CAN buy 96-gallon trash bags online, but do you really want to spend 10 minutes cramming 100 gallons worth of dress into a bag?

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Here's how sitting backward works:

Charlotte Gomez/BuzzFeed

Pros: It's free!

Cons: Your dress has literally no safety net should you decide mid-drunken pee to lurch around in order to ask your brides-person why grandma said the mean thing. Also, this is going to be horrible for you if you have a shy bladder.

That said, sitting backward was SUPER FAST while wearing the fit and flare:

How long did it take to sit on the toilet? 30 seconds, although this is NOT taking into account the time you will spend trying to not accidentally wipe yourself with your own dress.

Sitting backward also worked with the A-line, although it was less fast:

How long did it take to sit on the toilet? About 45 seconds. But double the skirt = double the potential water-related terror, so practice this at home.

Sitting backward was the ONLY method that worked for the ball gown. I repeat: THE. ONLY. METHOD.

How long did it take to sit on the toilet? About a minute, but we went very slow. Plus, there's enough skirt here where you can lie to yourself about whether or not your poor bridesmaid has seen your butt.

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Here's how sitting normally on the toilet works:

Charlotte Gomez/BuzzFeed

Pros: It's free, but in that monkey's paw sort of way.

Cons: The incredible amount of teamwork required to get on and off the toilet without dunking your dress means enlisting someone you trust probably more than the person you are actually marrying. Also, I was able to get approximately none dresses over the back of my head, so the person helping me had to basically cradle me from both the front and the back, like I was some sort of dumb princess baby.

Sitting normally worked decently for the fit and flare:

How long did it take to get on the toilet? 1 minute, plus you have to stare in your friend's eyes very deeply while you pee, if that's something you're into?

Sitting normally with the A-line skirt was mostly effective at nearly stopping my heart:

How long did it take to sit on the toilet? 1 minute, 20 seconds of tulle-related terror, and the amount of teamwork required to even pull this off was staggering. We were like the Lennon and McCartney of Not Letting This Dress Get in the Toilet.

And trying this method on the ball gown ended in a predictable clown car situation:

I almost fell over, which in this dress probably would have worked out fine for me, to be honest.

Charlotte Gomez/BuzzFeed

1. Overall, I preferred the garbage bag: It was the easiest to find under the dress, the elasticity of the plastic held the dress in place, and it was cheap. Plz recycle!

2. However, if your dress has few layers, the Bridal Buddy is a little faster due to those arm holes, once you can find it under your skirt.

3. Both of these methods work best if someone helps you shove your dress into them before you pee.

4. If you have a ball gown, a dress that wrinkles easily, or you're short on cash (because wedding), sitting backward is probably the method for you.

5. Try not to use the handicapped stall if you can — leave it for people who really need it, especially if your wedding is at a shared venue (like a hotel) — you wouldn't want anybody to have to miss out on wedding fun because the only stall they can use is occupied by a drunk bride trying to claw their way to freedom out of a human-sized cupcake, you know?

6. Don't sit normally on the toilet, unless your wedding is intense eye contact–themed or something.

Special thanks to Alfred Angelo for totally understanding the struggle, and providing the dresses for this shoot!

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