Hi, I'm Kristin, and I'm getting married. Unfortunately, I also have a tiny bladder, and I am VERY WORRIED about how I will be able to pee while I am engulfed in a wedding dress.
So, I decided to test out four different ways to use the bathroom while wearing a wedding dress without, erm... dunking anything expensive into the toilet.
I then tested each method on three different size skirts: a fit-and-flare skirt, an A-line skirt, and a ball gown.
I am also wearing appropriate lingerie and petticoats for all of these. I am not screwing around here.
Before we go any further, I would like to stress that I am not ACTUALLY doing any bathroom business nor am I naked in any of these photos.
I wore Spanx under my underwear so I could test how easy it would be to remove my undergarments without actually getting naked. In fact, the only reason why we shot these in a bathroom was because I felt it was the simplest way to truly test the maneuverability, so you're welcome, everyone's bridesmaids.
Got it? All right, cool, let's go look at some ridiculous photos!
The Bridal Buddy WORKED BEST for the fit-and-flare skirt (when I had help):
How long did it take to sit on the toilet? 1 minute, 15 seconds WITH someone helping me to gather the dress into the Bridal Buddy. I did not even attempt it without help, because I did not have a spare four days in which to conduct my life entirely inside a bathroom.
Also, I don't mean to brag, but I somehow managed to lose the drawstring toggle for the neck part, like, instantly.
Bridal Buddy also worked pretty quickly with the A-line skirt:
How long did it take to sit on the toilet? 1 minute with help, about 3½ minutes without help, but I was VERY worried about the dress leaking out of the bottom.
Unfortunately, the Bridal Buddy was eaten alive by the raw heft and power of the ball gown.
This was obviously never going to work — this skirt is big enough where, if I had fallen over, they would have had to send a search party.
Here's how the garbage bag method works:
The garbage bag was A+ effective with the fit-and-flare skirt:
How long did it take to sit on the toilet? About 2 minutes and 30 seconds with help, but the skirt helps to hold the bag up so well that you feel VERY secure, like a little bag of trash who can do anything!
But the garbage bag WORKED BEST with the A-line skirt:
How long did it take to sit on the toilet? 1 minute 40 seconds without help, about 45 seconds with help. Seriously, I could have gone out and done a dance and this bag would have stayed up.
AND LOL 38 gallons of trash bag is clearly no match for the ball gown, the bounce house of dresses:
Incidentally, you CAN buy 96-gallon trash bags online, but do you really want to spend 10 minutes cramming 100 gallons worth of dress into a bag?
Here's how sitting backward works:
That said, sitting backward was SUPER FAST while wearing the fit and flare:
How long did it take to sit on the toilet? 30 seconds, although this is NOT taking into account the time you will spend trying to not accidentally wipe yourself with your own dress.
Sitting backward also worked with the A-line, although it was less fast:
How long did it take to sit on the toilet? About 45 seconds. But double the skirt = double the potential water-related terror, so practice this at home.
Sitting backward was the ONLY method that worked for the ball gown. I repeat: THE. ONLY. METHOD.
How long did it take to sit on the toilet? About a minute, but we went very slow. Plus, there's enough skirt here where you can lie to yourself about whether or not your poor bridesmaid has seen your butt.
Here's how sitting normally on the toilet works:
Sitting normally worked decently for the fit and flare:
How long did it take to get on the toilet? 1 minute, plus you have to stare in your friend's eyes very deeply while you pee, if that's something you're into?
Sitting normally with the A-line skirt was mostly effective at nearly stopping my heart:
How long did it take to sit on the toilet? 1 minute, 20 seconds of tulle-related terror, and the amount of teamwork required to even pull this off was staggering. We were like the Lennon and McCartney of Not Letting This Dress Get in the Toilet.
And trying this method on the ball gown ended in a predictable clown car situation:
I almost fell over, which in this dress probably would have worked out fine for me, to be honest.
Special thanks to Alfred Angelo for totally understanding the struggle, and providing the dresses for this shoot!