Bicycle seats.Barstools.Jean shopping.Jean pockets ripping.Buying pants that fit in more than one place.Knocking things off of counters.Shorts.Knocking into people.People singing “Baby Got Back” because they think it is hilarious.Yoga pants.Leggings with patterns.Tights.Accidentally closing doors/drawers (with your butt).Underwear shopping.Cats/dogs/people using you as a pillow.Leaning against tables (without putting your butt on them).Accidental twerking.Twerking on purpose, but then being unable to stop.Airplane seats.Getting up to use the bathroom during a movie or a flight without hitting anyone.Navigating the aisle of an airplane while maintaining dignity.Accidental clapping.Squeezing through tight places.Running without jiggling.Ankle-length skirts.Blazers.Accidentally smacking into the corners of tables.Stairs.Finding dresses that don’t ride up in the back.Two-piece bathing suits.Butt-dialing.Sitting in the middle of the backseat of a car.Stairs.Being compared to any celebrity with a big butt.Getting cleavage in two places.Putting your wallet in your back pocket.Getting stuck in classroom chairs.Dancing without hitting anyone.Miniskirts.People using you as a table or shelf.Haters.
How Big Is Your Butt?
You've got a butt. Congratulations on having a butt.
Your butt is ample and glorious enough that you could be the president of the Big Butts Society. You would use your power to make life better for your big-butted brothers and sisters, because you are also very nice.
Your butt is so big that you could be the Queen or King of Butts. People are jelly of your jelly, and they should be. May anyone who disrespects your royal buttness be sent to the dungeons.
Your butt is so big that you are the Goddess or God of Butts. Rejoice, for you rule everything you can see, a lot of which is your butt. You are not to be messed with, and may anyone who disrespects you permanently lose their butt privileges, and be sent to buttless hell.