1. Christmas cards, as a kid: An annual documentation of your humiliation at the hands of your parents.
As an adult: The person with the most ridiculous card WINS.
2. Christmas music, as a kid: There are a bunch of old Christmas songs that are OK, and then this one REALLY AWESOME MARIAH CAREY SONG.
As an adult: Seriously, how has NO ONE written another top 40 Christmas song in 20 years?
3. Buying presents, as a kid: Getting money from dad, so that you can buy a present for mom.
As an adult: Going broke buying presents for mom AND dad AND your siblings AND everyone else who surprised with you with a present.
4. Christmas fears, as a child: Santa (or your parents) will figure out that bad thing you did, and Christmas will be utterly ruined.
As an adult: Dying alone, or even worse, that your S.O. will realize that you are a bad thing for them, and break up with you right before Christmas.
5. Christmas Eve, as a kid: You stay up all night to try to see if you can catch a glimpse of Santa.
As an adult: You fall asleep on your laptop trying to tick all the things off your Christmas cores list.
6. Decorations, as a kid: These go up a month or two early.
As an adult: These stay up a month or two late.
7. Christmas lines, as a kid: Waiting in line at the mall FOREVER to see Santa.
As an adult: Waiting in line at the mall FOREVER for a new iPhone or to return a sweater. That's all you want, why is it so hard?
8. Christmas morning, as a kid: Is 2:30 a.m. Christmas morning, yet? How about 3:00 a.m.??
As an adult: I don't care who is dying, literally nothing is happening until coffee and food happens.
Look, kids: You're going to be much less mad about all the ugly sweaters you got if you open them up on full tummies.