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    Buying Plus-Size Clothes: Expectations Vs. Reality

    All we want is for someone to shut up and take our money. Is that so hard?

    Expectation: With a little elbow grease, you can find plenty of tasteful things that flatter your body.

    Reality: You will find lots of stuff that emphasizes your boobs.

    Or attempts to draw the eyes...elsewhere.

    Or tries to disguise you in a confusing print.

    Evening Wear Expectations: Surely, you will be able to find something adorable to hit the town with.

    Reality: You will find lots of tents.

    Or ridiculous animal prints and cheap fabric.

    H&M Expectations: H&M offers plus sizes now! That means I will be able to find H&M clothes in my size! I will have dozens of options!

    H&M Reality: Having literally ones of options.

    Expectation: When you size up, the clothes will fit you correctly.

    Reality: Your clothes will now fit one specific part of you correctly.

    Mall Expectations: You love shopping and you love your friends, and the mall will have both! Therefore, you love the mall.

    Reality: There is only one store for you there, and it is seriously depressing.

    If you try to shop in it, you will spend 30 minutes in a dressing room trying on pants that don't fit well before you give up, half naked. You hate the mall.

    Bra Expectations: Everyone loves big boobs. Surely you will be able to find some bras to accomodate our universal love of big boobs.

    Reality: Need a bra for any size higher than triple D? Good luck with that.

    Summer Dresses Expectation: Bring on the breezy comfort, 'cause it's flauntin' season.

    Reality: Bring on the terrible patterns and loud colors and looking like you just rolled around in a children's birthday party.

    Online Shopping Expectation: There are so many online retailers! Surely you can find clothes that are on trend.

    Reality: You will find clothes that are horrible mash-ups of trends.

    Range of Selection Expectations: Look at all these thumbnails of dresses! Surely there will be something for me!

    Reality: The thumbnails are actually hiding horrible details, which become immediately clear once I zoom in.

    Expectation: It will not be all that hard to find fun, interesting separates that go together.

    Reality: You will find ugly separates modeled by pretty people who will distract you from how IRL ugly their clothes are.

    Modcloth Expectations: Oh, thank God, Modcloth sells plus-size clothes. I buy all of them and am cute forever.

    Modcloth Reality: H&M prices, these are not.