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    23 Amazingly Ridiculous Things You Can Buy At Anthropologie

    Welcome to the land of patchwork and decorative brooms.

    by ,

    We are Kristin and Leo and we like to talk about fashion. Today, we’re discussing Anthropologie, which is known for its ~sophisticated~ but very, very expensive fashion and home goods.

    A few thoughts on Anthropologie before we begin:

    Leo: To me, Anthropologie is like walking into Pinterest, except you just paid someone else a handsome sum of money to do all your DIYs. Every time I go there, I'm like, man, how come all my baking supplies aren't hand-painted and made of porcelain?

    Kristin: I feel like Anthropologie is sort of the store version of All Of Your Parents Expectations. They sell all these things at such crazy high prices like it's no big deal. So, if you can't afford the stuff, it can make you feel like YOU are the problem.

    1. Haru Tasseled Kimono — $168

    Via anthropologie.com

    Leo: Wow. They have a whole kimono section. So I guess kimonos are a thing now. **shrugs**

    Kristin: This garment basically says: "Warning: Do not ask me how my kid's preschool application process is going."

    2. Vida Circlet Dress -- $648

    Via anthropologie.com

    Leo: Oh, I know what this looks like to me. It's a dress with Post-Its.

    Kristin: She looks like she's wearing a very unsafe rock-climbing wall.

    3. Spectrum Broom -- $68

    Via anthropologie.com

    Kristin: When Leo first showed this to me, I literally laughed for 10 minutes.

    Leo: Now, whenever you are sad, literally I am just going to look you in the eyes and say, "BROOM."

    Kristin: Because it's a DECORATIVE BROOM. Could you imagine dropping a glass in someone's house and needing to use a broom, and that person being like, "No, stop, that's the decorative broom." And you'd be like, "Well then, where's the real broom?" and they would go, "I don't know, I can afford to pay $68 for a broom, I don't clean my own house!"

    Leo: Is it a decorative broom, though? In the broom's defense, I think super high-quality brooms are hard to come by and might be expensive. My mom once brought a broom back on the plane from Israel and had to explain that they were the best brooms you could get. People thought it was some sort of religious tradition — to bring a broom on the plane. She had to explain she just really liked getting the house clean.

    Kristin: Yeah, 10/10 would make fun of again.

    4. Allusione Sheath -- $288

    Leo: This looks like someone ate four different dresses and then vomited them back up. In the most elegant of manners, bien sûr.

    Kristin: This is the dress equivalent of the giant robot all the Power Rangers make when they combine forces to fight Godzilla.

    Leo: I literally have no idea what you are talking about.

    5. Striped Weekend Tee -- $68

    Via anthropologie.com

    Kristin: This shirt is probably really infuriating to refold if you're an Anthropologie employee working on a weekend. Like, thanks for the reminder of that thing I don't get to enjoy, rich ladies.

    Leo: What?! These are my favorite days. This shirt is speaking to me. This shirt says, Hey, don't worry, be happy, the weekend will save you, you stylish Francophone. This shirt embodies everything I live for.

    6. Feather Clock -- $248

    Via anthropologie.com

    Leo: Wait. Is this a pun? Time...flies? EXCEPT NOW IT DOESN'T LOL SORRY BIRDS YOU LOSE.

    Kristin: I think this was designed by someone who read The Hunger Games and really identified with the struggle of all the people living in the Capitol.

    7. Eberjey Joey Romper -- $97

    Via anthropologie.com

    Kristin: A new item from the Sexy Adult Baby Collection, I see.

    Leo: I get that this is cute. But like, a romper in the daytime is already a nightmare. A romper in the nighttime IS ACTUALLY A NIGHTMARE. I have to pee just looking at it.

    8. Handcarved Toren Armoire -- $2,998

    Via anthropologie.com

    Kristin: Who the fuck hangs out inside an armoire?

    Leo: This chick is just like, "Oh hello, I was just spending some time in my favorite room of the house. Do you like my tulle gown? Let's go frolic."

    Kristin: It's fashion Narnia.

    Leo: "Armoires by Tumnus."

    9. Desi Skirted Leggings -- $59.50

    Via anthropologie.com

    Leo: So they're...skeggings? "Skegging" sounds like some weird new sex thing Cosmo would get you to try.

    Kristin: I think if someone just handed this to me, I wouldn't know how to wear it. I'd probably accidentally wear it like a romper.

    Leo: What do you mean like a romper?

    Kristin: I'd take that skirt part and fold it up.

    Leo: Dangerous.

    10. Orion Circlet Headband -- $575

    Via anthropologie.com

    Leo: For $575 you better get a lot of wear out of this. I hope it does something else besides just be a headband. Oh! Maybe it's one of those sex crowns they use in Coneheads to have orgasms.

    Kristin: Here's a really expensive thing I'll lose at Coachella. Just kidding. I can't afford to go to Coachella.

    Leo: I don't think you're missing much.

    11. Cafe Society Tee -- $58

    Via anthropologie.com

    Leo: Here is a shirt with names of famous Parisian cafés written on it. In other words, this is the clothing version of a tourist trap.

    Kristin: This is basically a list of all the French words I don't know.

    Leo: Because you learned so many from Forever 21.

    12. Sungarden Robe -- $118

    Via anthropologie.com

    Leo: I'm intrigued by the concept of, like, "lounge" robes. Who wears them? I feel like you wear this when you wake up in your beachside suite of the Four Seasons Bora Bora. So I guess it's like a rich lady thing.

    Kristin: Who needs a robe when being naked is free?

    13. Luxe Fur Stool -- $348

    anthropologie.com

    Leo: Although this is apparently made of Mongolian sheep fur, this recalls the line from Clueless, "At least I wouldn't skin a Collie to make my backpack."

    Kristin: I wouldn't buy this because it looks like something that would turn back into a dog if a French girl somewhere were to fall in love with a beast.

    14. Bahia Apron -- $38

    Via anthropologie.com

    Leo: I'd literally never know this was an apron from the picture. I must admit: I own an Anthropologie apron. And it is adorable. It makes me feel like a 1950s housewife. And is it antifeminist to say...I like it? Oh god.

    Kristin: Nothing says "I like to live dangerously" like an expensive, lightly colored apron.

    15. You Wash, I'll Dry Dishtowels -- $42

    Via anthropologie.com

    Leo: This is like, "You wash, I'll dry...therefore rendering these dish towels completely useless to you."

    Kristin: Maybe instead of spending $42 on TWO towels, you should buy a damn dishwasher.

    16. Letter-Perfect Mesh Tee -- $88

    Via anthropologie.com

    Leo: It says "Waikiki..."

    Kristin: No, it actually doesn't, it says "Wai kual... something"

    **silence**

    Both: Hmmm.

    Kristin: It doesn't even say what it is in the product description!

    Leo: I feel like this is like that time that volcano in Iceland erupted and no one could pronounce it.

    Kristin: For $88 I should know what my T-shirt says.

    17. Stripe Block Tunic -- $285

    Leo: I'm pretty sure this looks just like a psychological test the FBI administers to prospective agents.

    Kristin: This is what you'd wear if your wanted to camouflage yourself at a J.Crew.

    18. Alexa Chung for AG New Wave Sweatshirt -- $188

    anthropologie.com

    Kristin: I don't think I want to wear anything that accuses me of being vague and lame.

    Leo: "L'âme" means soul. But basically this means, like, "I'm melancholic." Which now makes me feel bad for this sweatshirt. I want to comfort it. Like, "Oh, don't worry, sweatshirt, someone will wear you someday! IT'S GOING TO BE OK."

    19. Amaryllis Pony Holder -- $25

    Via anthropologie.com

    Kristin: This is basically just the fastest way to lose $25. Like, if you want a guaranteed way to disappear forever, attach yourself to a hair tie.

    Leo: That sounds so sad.

    Kristin: Every hair tie I have ever owned has since gone into the witness protection program.

    Leo: Oh my.

    20. Paige Patchworked Sierra Overalls -- $299

    Via anthropologie.com

    Kristin: You know when you see a dick while it's flaccid and it's one color, but then you see it erect and it's weirdly two different colors? That's what these overalls remind me of.

    Leo: "Obliviate!" Damn...I tried to do that Harry Potter memory spell to erase everything you just said from my mind. I cannot believe you just compared denim overalls to a penis.

    21. Drawing Study Chair -- $980

    anthropologie.com

    Leo: I'm unclear on the purpose of this chair, which, by the way, costs nearly $1,000. Like, do you sit in it and draw? Or do you just look at it. Or do you **gasp** sit on it? HASHTAG CONFUSED.

    Kristin: This chair will make your apartment feel just like home, because if you buy it, you will get to live with a judgmental-looking mom.

    22. Geo Safari Vest -- Originally $138, now $69.95

    Kristin: You don't need a safari vest, I don't care how crazy you say Costco gets on Saturdays.

    Leo: "Safari" vest just makes me think of the crazy hunter in Jumanji. Not a good look.

    23. Unlikely Symmetry Bowl -- $68

    Via anthropologie.com

    Leo: Make up your mind, bowl!

    Kristin: Yeah, this is basically my parents' marriage, in bowl form.

    Leo: Opposites attract? **Pets Kristin's head**

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