1. First Base: Choosing
If you’re using an online dating site, this is the initial message on OkCupid, the pre-date Facebook deep dive on Grouper, or that little green heart on Tinder. If you’re taking the old-fashioned approach, it’s flashing your best come-hither glance—or that arched-brow, squinty-eyed thing, that works too—at someone across the bar. Either way, the message is the same: “I like your face and I want to put my mouth on it.”
2. Second Base: Liquid Courage
Here’s where it gets tricky. If you’re planning on buying the object of your affection a drink, you’d better learn to speed-read before you ask for a cocktail menu. Way back when, ladies ordered a Cosmo and gents opted, predictably, for a good scotch on the rocks. Now, you’ve got mind-boggling ingredients like smoked jalapeño, sweetgrass vapors, and blowtorched bay leaves, dreamed up by don’t-call-them-bartenders mixologists and running you roughly $8… an ounce.
3. Third Base: Oral
There’s head-back, toes-curled, over-the-moon oral, and then there’s the oral presentation this guy is giving you on the new app he’s working on with a couple of college buddies. It’s going to be all about the cloud, he says. It’s going to alter the face of social commerce as we know it, he says, and a few major companies are already biting. Can you see it? Well, of course not. It’s still in development.
4. Home Run: Penetration
I have a friend whose casual fling once admitted to creating a venue called “Pleasure Town” on Foursquare and checking in every time they hooked up. See what he did there? No? Pleasure Town was her vagina. Let that sink in, and then consider this: In this hyperstimulated, multitasking world, the sexual equivalent of the exhilaration you feel rounding the bases may simply be turning your phone off. Turn your phone off! Don’t kiss and tweet. Forget about filters and updates and posts, and take a look at your real-life status: You’re about to get laid. It’s going to be great. Or it won’t. But in any case, a little face time (lowercase f, lowercase t) can go a long way.
- Four people were arrested after Trump supporters and protesters clashed during a "Make America Great Again" rally in California.
- The deadly Westminster attack that left four people dead Wednesday began and was over with in 82 seconds, police said Saturday.
- People in Belarus took to the streets and opposed a "social parasites" tax on people who have been unemployed for six months.
- Heads up, Harry Potter fans. You can now get Butterbeer ice cream at your grocery store 🍦✨