I Was NOT Prepared For These 17 Lines From "The Woman In The House" To Be Thiiiiiis Funny

    BINGO!

    Kristen Martin
    by Kristen Martin

    BuzzFeed Staff

    🚨 MAJOR SPOILERS 🚨

    Read at your own risk.

    1. "You're too cute to be sad forever."

    Carol is wearing a coat while standing at a school, engaging in a conversation.
    Netflix

    Five minutes into the show and Carol is already throwing shade. Not only does depression NOT work like that, but also, this line somewhat implies that the not-so-cute people deserve to be sad forever but the cute ones don't... That's how I took it, and that's why I laughed! 

    2. "Great, I'm really cutting back."

    Anna is bent over a counter while sipping wine from a glass.
    Netflix

    First of all, whoooo drinks wine like this? LOL. When Douglas asked how the drinking was going, Anna replied, "Great, I'm really cutting back," while devouring a glass of wine.

    3. "You have two phones? What are you, a drug dealer?"

    Anna is facing a window and looking out saying "What are you a drug dealer?"
    Netflix

    LOL. I thought everyone had two phones? No? Just me and Lisa, I guess.

    4. "You know, I used to feel bad for you. I prayed for you. But I do not feel bad for you anymore, and I will not pray for you anymore."

    Carol is out in the street saying "But I do not feel bad for you anymore, and I will not pray for you anymore."
    Netflix

    Yikes. Tell me the friendship is over without telling me it's over. This has to be the pettiest exchange I've ever seen between two ex friends. When it's getting to the point where you not only stop praying for the person but tell them to their face that you won't pray for them is pretty hilarious.

    5. "Oh baby girl, I just feel like I'm falling apart. Like a house of cards or like a sandcastle when the tide has come in. I don't know. Like a rickety chair. Or an old jalopy. I don't know."

    Anna is looking over a grave while crying and saying "Or an old jalopy. I don't know."
    Netflix

    Not a jalopy though. I know I shouldn't be laughing while she's visiting her daughter's grave, but every metaphor in this sequence just gets worse and worse, and I can't.

    6. "So currently, you don't fly to Seattle?" Anna asks. The agent replies, "Currently, Seattle's on the West Coast. Or, sorry, did you have more geography questions?"

    Anna is on the left saying "So currently, you don't fly to Seattle?" With an airline agent saying, "Currently Seattle's on the West Coast."
    Netflix

    Ummm, excuse me. Rude! But also, this is the level of sarcasm that I hope to reach one day!

    7. "I mean, come on. A guy who looks like that, you think he wants to spend Saturday night changing diapers?"

    A woman is holding coffee while looking through a picture book as she says "you think he wants to spend Saturday night changing diapers?"
    Netflix

    OMG, so it's either look hot OR change diapers? Way to judge a book by its cover. I know plenty of sexy men who spend their Saturdays changing diapers. Well, I don't know them personally. I've seen them in like movies and stuff, but still.

    8. When Anna asked the photographer if she could keep the picture, the woman replied, "For five dollars."

    A photographer is pulling a picture away from Anna and says, "For five dollars."
    Netflix

    I'm cracking up. This hard-working photographer said, yesterday's price is not today's price. Sorry Anna, it's just business. 

    9. "Well, I'll be, there's a nail in my hand."

    Buell is holding up his bloody hand with a caption, "Well I'll be, there's a nail in my hand."
    Netflix

    I'm sorry, what? Pretty sure if there was a nail in my hand, I'd feel it (or at least see it). But hey, that's just me.

    10. Rex getting arrested...in an apron.

    An officer is arresting a man in an apron as they walk out the door.
    Netflix

    Imagine getting arrested in an apron... And with no underwear on... Guess those scrambled eggs will have to wait. LOL.

    11. "Life is for the living...and so are casseroles."

    Anna is in a graveyard, holding a dish labeled, "Life is for the living...and so are casseroles."
    Netflix

    This was actually a touching line, but before you judge me and think I'm heartless, I just want to point out how Anna has a casserole for everything. And it's not even that good according to some 9-year olds.......... At this point, the casserole is giving main character energy. 

    12. "....the woman in the house across the street."

    Anna is screaming on the phone while saying, "....the woman in the house across the street."
    Netflix

    This line took me out! Probably because it's the title and I love when movies include the title in the dialogue. She overdid it just a bit with this line, but I think that's the point.

    13. Douglas says, "But we needed someone to fix the mailbox," and Anna screams, "It's still not fixed."

    Douglas says, "But we needed someone to fix the mailbox," and Anna replies, "It's still not fixed," as they're both on the phone.
    Netflix

    It's true, Buell has been working on that mailbox for how long? Apparently he started waaaaay before Anna and Douglas got divorced, and..."it's still not fixed." Also, I just have one question for Douglas: you couldn't find any other handyman to hire other than someone who "killed his entire family with a claw hammer?" Really? There was no one else? 

    14. "It's just f**king rain."

    "Come on, Anna, it's just fucking rain," as she crawls in the street in the rain.
    Netflix

    Ok, this is absolutely not a laughing matter, but I laughed anyway. And I feel bad because Anna has an actual fear of the rain called Ombrophobia, tied to a traumatic experience. But this line is so relatable though. I mean, how many times have you canceled plans and stayed indoors because of the rain? It happens. Sometimes it takes a little encouragement to go out in the rain, but it's just rain! I feel you Anna, I feel you.

    15. "His act sucks by the way."

    A young girl, Emma is bleeding while holding a weapon and saying, "His act sucks by the way."
    Netflix

    Listen, Emma had a perfectly good reason for killing her dad, and that's because his ventriloquist act sucked. I can't think of anything more savage than that.

    16. "Those are just baby teeth, you stupid a**hole."

    A young child is flashing her bloody teeth saying, "Those are just baby teeth, you stupid asshole."
    Netflix

    The pic says it all. Emma is something else.

    17. "I don't drink wine anymore. I'll have vodka."

    Anna is on an airplane being offered a drink and labeled, "Oh. No, thank you. I don't drink wine anymore. I'll have a vodka."
    Netflix

    Waaaait, I was not expecting that. When Anna said she doesn't drink wine anymore, my first thought was: GROWTH. Then she said, "I'll have vodka," and I literally LAUGHED OUT LOUD. 

    I know this series was a parody, but I haven't laughed like this in a long time. Tell me what your favorite scenes were in the comments!