People Who've Had Miscarriages Share What They Wish Others Knew
"No matter what your viewpoint is about children in the womb, have compassion and understanding."
1. "You’ll have other babies" is probably one of the worst things to hear.
2. I still have guilt that it could have been something I did or could have prevented.
3. I wish people could understand that not having children doesn’t mean you need to explain WHY!
4. What I heard the most was, "At least it happened early." That doesn't give me any comfort; I spent the past eight weeks knowing and caring about this baby.
5. I want people to know that there isn’t necessarily a textbook miscarriage and not all miscarriage experiences are the same.
6. Just because I was young – or the pregnancy was unplanned – doesn't mean I was happy about my miscarriage.
7. I wish people understood that telling me I was not a mother because my baby died and expecting me to "let it go" and "get over it" within a certain amount of time just made my guilt over my miscarriage ten times worse.
8. My advice to others is no matter what your viewpoint is about children in the womb, have compassion and understanding.
9. I think it's important to know that it's OK to not be upset, too. I had a miscarriage around seven weeks. I didn't know I was pregnant, and my husband and I were not trying to get pregnant at the time, so we didn't grieve.
10. I had a late miscarriage and no one told me that your body still produces milk. Your hormones will tell you you're suppose to be taking care of something, all while your heart and soul breaks.
11. The hardest part for me was feeling like a failure.
12. Saying something like, "at least you know you can get pregnant" is not an appropriate response if we decide to share the news of our loss with you.
13. I wish people wouldn't say things like, "I don’t know how you must feel, my husband just looks at me and I get pregnant!"
14. It doesn’t matter how far along you are, it is still devastating at any stage.
15. When people say, "you've already got a child, be grateful," it's upsetting. I am grateful for my daughter, but I wanted my little man, too.
16. I wish I knew that my partner would grieve differently than me.
17. I wish people knew it's going to be a while before I can talk about other people having kids. I'm not trying to be rude when you're excitedly telling me about your brand new grandkid, niece, or nephew, I just can't help being sad about other people's happiness.
18. I wish people just knew how common it is.
19. I want other to know it’s OK to give yourself space to grieve.
20. I miscarried my first child at 12 weeks. My wife and I were devastated, but I kept being told by people that it was to be expected because we were a lesbian couple. I tried to powerhouse through it and keep busy; I only took two days off of work. Worst mistake ever. While it’s true that miscarriages are more common than we think, it’s always important to acknowledge and mourn your loss as much as you need to.
21. Please don't say, "You're young, you can try again." Yeah, I know I physically can (although that's not possible for some), but mentally it can take a long time to recover.
22. I wish people had talked about it before I went through it. I felt so alone and wondered what I did wrong.
23. My second pregnancy was supposed to be twins, but ended in only one making it to term. Even with one of our sweet ones making it, you never forget that it was supposed to be two.
24. I wish people knew how draining it is. There are HCG tests and continuous doctor visits.
25. I wish people knew that it’s OK to talk to me about my miscarriage.
26. I wish people knew that if you had another baby after a miscarriage, it does not mean the pain goes away. One child does not replace another.
Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.