The "Am I the Asshole?" thread on Reddit gives us all the juiciest dilemmas people are having so we strangers can step in as the "third party" and offer insights about the situation. Particularly our thoughts on whether or not the original poster (OP) is an asshole. Great, let's begin...
Today, the OP — who is 28 years old — is complaining about her 26-year-old sister-in-law who lives out of town. "She stays with us instead of in a hotel, and always wants to go to expensive restaurants. She always conveniently forgets her wallet or comes up with some excuses as to why she can’t pay her share. She has implied that since I make much more money than her, I should be the one to pay (no, not my husband should pay, but me specifically)," explained the OP in the thread.
And while the OP admitted that she does make decent money, she does not make enough to treat her sister-in-law every time she comes into town. In the past, the OP has asked the sister-in-law to pay her back when she foots the bill for a meal, but she never does.
Fast-forward to the situation at hand: The sister-in-law comes into town and makes a reservation at a very pricey restaurant. Knowing what she knows about the sister-in-law, the OP states that she will not be paying for her meal.
"This is where I might be the asshole — and I’ll admit I got this move straight from an episode of Two and a Half Men. As we were leaving [to go to the restaurant], she and my husband went to the car. I pretended I forgot something and went back inside. I found her wallet sitting right on top of her suitcase. I put it in my purse, and we went to the restaurant."
In concluding the thread, the OP wrote, "When we were done eating, I asked for separate bills. She said 'no,' we need one bill because she 'forgot' her wallet again. I reached in my purse and said, 'This wallet?' She was extremely furious. She said that I should not have touched or grabbed her wallet. So AITA for taking her wallet and bringing it to the restaurant?"
The overall consensus from people on Reddit was that even though the OP took a wallet that wasn't her property, it was warranted in this situation.
"She made the reservation and invited you. Etiquette says she would be responsible for 100% of that bill."
"Usually, I'm against people touching others' property, but in this case, well done. Be aware that next time she will be hiding her wallet, but maybe just refuse to go out to dinner if she didn't bring her wallet/card. Let her know if she doesn't pay she will not be going out with you and your husband, and make it clear that your hospitality is a courtesy, not an obligation. She's very welcome to stay in a hotel next time if she doesn't abide by the rules and respects you. Your husband's family might start harassing you after you establish the rules, so it might be worth having a dialogue with your husband and having him be 'the bad cop.' If the family complains, tell them that they are welcome to pay your SIL's expenses, including past dinners if you have the receipts or bank statements.
Your SIL's an entitled brat."
"I am an absolute control freak about people touching my stuff, but...you're not the asshole. As others have pointed out here, if she's really hard up financially, there's always IHOP for meals out."
And a lot of people thought the OP should have left her own wallet at home to give the sister-in-law a taste of her own medicine!
"You totally should have flipped the switch — left your wallet at home, only brought your license so she had to cover the whole bill, then never taken her out to a restaurant again."
"Also, she stays at your house for free. If I travel and stay with someone, I ALWAYS show my appreciation by treating them to a nice meal; it's the least I can do."
There were also people who felt that the OP's husband should be handling this because it is HIS sister!
"Awesome power move. But when is your husband gonna step up and make her pay her share?"
"Why do you and your husband still allow her to stay with you or choose expensive restaurants or even go out with her? I think you need to talk to your husband about this behavior. I am very curious as to why he hasn't stepped in and shut this down and wonder if he is the one encouraging her to do this behind your back."
"You're not an asshole, but you really have a husband problem. He needs to lay down the law to his sister. She is the guest. If she is picking the restaurant, she is paying for her meal. From now on, there will be a wallet check before she leaves the house."
Lastly, people thought the OP could just refuse to eat meals out with her going forward.
"Stop eating out with her. When she makes a reservation, tell her to have a nice evening, and DoorDash yourself a nice meal."
"This is a permanent solution to any meals out with her: Don’t invite her again; don’t accept her reservations."
So, what do you all think? How should the OP handle this situation going forward, and was it wrong of her to take her sister-in-law's wallet without her knowing? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
