Welcome to another edition of a very thought-provoking subreddit called "Am I the Asshole?" It is where users ask if they're assholes for how they've handled certain situations. Today we are discussing pregnancy.
Our story comes from u/thasyojar2013, who has been married to her husband for six years. They want kids, but it just hasn't happened for them yet. In her Reddit question, she explains, "Friends and family are causing us constant stress about having a baby soon, but it's obviously something we can't control. We only wished that they'd stop, but to no avail."
After being tired of the constant pregnancy questions, u/thasyojar2013 decided to do something about it: "What I did was come up with an idea (stupid, I know), and that is to have an empty jar and call it 'Pregnancy Jar.' I carry it with me in my bag whenever I'm with friends and family, and every time someone asks when my husband and I are gonna have a baby, I pull my jar out and ask them to drop a dollar in there for asking."
Even though u/thasyojar2013 said she got puzzled looks, people would eventually put a dollar in the jar: "It actually worked because most of them stopped asking after four months."
However, there was a recent incident in which u/thasyojar2013 questioned her "pregnancy jar" idea. "Last week we had dinner at my parents' house. My brother had come back from his business trip, and while we were eating, he asked when my husband and I were going to have a kid. My husband paused; I got up from the chair and made my way to where my brother was sitting, with my jar in my hand, and asked him to drop a dollar for the question he asked," she said.
"He stared at me, then laughed nervously, asking if I was being serious. Everyone was looking at us. He said no, he didn't have to pay me, but I told him he didn't have to ask, either, so here we are! I could tell he felt embarrassed. He immediately reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, and put a dollar in my jar."
She continued: "I made my way back to my seat and sat down and resumed eating like nothing happened. It got awkward afterward. Mom pulled me into the kitchen later to tell me that I embarrassed my brother in front of his wife and family, and said I should quit acting childish by running around with a jar demanding others put money in it. I told her they should quit asking, then. She went on about how they're just worried for us, since we are in our mid-30s and don't have much time left if we want at least one healthy baby. I got upset and she started arguing. My husband and I left, and we haven't seen them in days, except I got a call from my sister basically siding with mom and the others, saying I'm being childish."
Now u/thasyojar2013 is wondering if she is an asshole for creating the jar to begin with. Here is what some other Reddit users had to say...
"Not the asshole. How creative! 'I don’t have to pay you.' 'Yeah, well, you didn’t have to ask something that’s none of your business, but here we are.' Love it."
"I will be stealing this idea for both myself and anyone I ever advise on the issue. IT. IS. BRILLIANT. It is because it does exactly what happened: It brings the absurdity of the question (and, by extension, the questioner) to an even more absurd plane."
"Not the asshole, and Mom owes the jar a dollar. People need to quit asking people when/if they are having a kid or having another kid. If they want a kid, they are probably struggling with fertility and working through that process, and it's difficult enough without people asking. If they don't, that's fine, too."
"You asked them to stop. As someone with fertility issues, I know this is a VERY sensitive topic. Anytime someone asked me about having kids, I'd always burst into tears. It's not OK to keep hounding people about babies. Your pregnancy jar sounds funny! It's like a swear jar, but for nosy baby questions."
"If they want you to have a baby so bad, they can pay for it! 🤣 Not only that, but WHO FUCKING ASKS THAT?? I'd put a big label on it and in Sharpie write, 'THE RUDE AND STUPID FUCKING QUESTION JAR.' Put that shit on the table where everyone in the room can see it. Then up the ante to $10 🤷🏼♀️."
"It's never a good question, since there's a good chance the couple have trouble conceiving, don't want children, or have external reasons that made them wait to have kids (like career, finances, education, or other obligations). Like, just don't ask that. Ever."
BASICALLY, all the commenters agreed that u/thasyojar2013 clearly isn't the asshole. So, what did we all learn here? Never ask someone when they are having kids — IT IS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.