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26 Things Every Pregnant Person Has Secretly Done

There comes a point in every pregnancy where you just say, "Fuck it."

1. Went the whole day with your jeans unbuttoned and unzipped.

Instagram: @allgdthngsrwldnfree

And most days you didn't even bother with a bra.

2. Didn't shave...

20th Century Fox

...anything below your belly button.

3. Went to the drive-thru alone to order a #2, #5, and #7 with a milkshake.

Comedy Central

Hey, the baby was craving it, not you. All you wanted was the milkshake.

4. Dropped something and didn't pick it up.

5. Put a mirror between your legs because you wanted to remember what it looked like BEFORE.


Farewell, sweet princess.

6. Not worn certain shoes because...cankles.

Swollen pregnancy feet are the worst.

7. Blamed your hormones for your behavior.


Just one time. All the other times it really was the hormones.

8. Purposely held your hand under your belly so people would know you were pregnant, not fat.

9. Snuck some stuff for yourself on your baby registry.

Columbia Pictures

You needed that stretch mark cream (and those alcohol test strips for your breast milk).

10. Peed a little in your pants.

Paramount Pictures / Via

How were you supposed to hold your bladder with the weight of a human on it?

11. Dyed your hair.

Universal Pictures

Experts say it won't harm the baby, but you still pretend you didn't.

12. Cried alone.

Due to one (or all) of the following: bacne, hemorrhoids, stretch marks, or a comment someone made earlier in the day.

13. Been so constipated you were scared the baby was going to come out if you pushed any harder.

New Line Cinema

But when you finally did go, it was literally a shitshow.

14. Squeezed your nipples to see if breast milk would squirt out.

And were tempted to taste it.

15. Exaggerated the pregnancy "waddle" to look more legit.


Because you're F#$%ING pregnant, ladies and gentlemen!

16. Drank caffeine.

New Line Cinema

It was only a little.

17. Forgot to take your prenatal vitamins.

Instagram: @_fairydetox

Vitamins aren't birth control. You took two the next day.

18. Had full-blown adult conversations with your belly.

Poppy Productions


19. Ate ice cream out of the carton. All of it.

Okay, fine. You did this when you weren't pregnant, too.

20. Got disappointed if the sex of the baby wasn't what you wanted.

E!/Ryan Seacrest Productions

It's okay, you got over it pretty fast.

21. Experienced discharge that was just weird.

Paramount Pictures

What she said.

22. Used your pregnancy as an excuse to not have to do something.

20th Century Fox

Sudden movements, like getting off the couch, could induce early labor.

23. Passed gas in public.

Walk away! Walk away!

24. Spent way too much time getting the perfect angle for that nine-month-preggo selfie.

25. Planned a sex marathon to induce labor.



26. Psst! One last secret: You weren't really listening during any conversations because all you thought about was food.

This was you on the reg.

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