Okay friends, you know the "Am I The Asshole?" drill: We scour Reddit to find juicy dilemmas people are having, and you let us know if they are indeed jerks in the comments. Are you ready for another? Let's get into it!
Today we have a mom with a teenage daughter who is pregnant, and she wants to know if she's an asshole for making her move out before the baby is born. "My 17-year-old daughter (youngest, and we had her late) is seven weeks pregnant (she will be 18 by the time she gives birth). She is not in a relationship with the father. He reeaallyyy — I can't stress this enough — does not want a baby. I honestly don't even think he'll show up for the birth or anything," u/notinmyhouse123 explains in the Reddit thread.
The mom goes on to say how her daughter has decided to continue with her pregnancy even though every adult in her life has advised her against it. She had a recent conversation with her daughter, and asked how she was going to manage to raise this baby, and she said she would get a job.
When the mom asked who would babysit while she was at work, the daughter told her she assumed she and her husband (her daughter's father) would. The mom's response? "Absolutely not, I'm not raising another baby."
This is when the mom realized that if her daughter had her baby and continued living with her, she was going to be the one practically raising the baby. "I'm very recently retired, and my husband is retiring in exactly 11 months (there's a countdown), and this is not how I want to spend my retirement years. It's not fair to us. So, I told her that she has until the baby is born to find a place to live. My husband has always been wrapped around her finger (which normally is endearing; I love how much he loves our children), so he is not fully on board with that, but I feel like we need to be united on this. I just want to know if I'm in the wrong here," she said, adding, "I will help her get a job, get on assistance if need be, find affordable housing, etc. — I just will not raise this baby."
Reddit users started sharing their thoughts on the situation:
The top comment by u/ClearlyDemented read, "You can be upset she wants to keep the baby, but that’s ultimately not your or ‘every other adult in her life's' choice to make. I think you’re correct that she is assuming you will be more of a caretaker than you’d like to and maybe isn’t thinking things through, as a normal teenager. I don’t think you’re the asshole if you are supportive in her decision without letting her take advantage of you. Perhaps, you can help her find some community or government programs that can help you and your future grandchild out."
Another popular comment was made by u/philosophunc who emphasized their belief that the mom is not the asshole and that a teen is not equipped to raise a child. "I don't think anyone other than you gets an opinion on this, and everyone will be giving varying opinions that don't really matter. It's your right. Has anyone suggested an abortion? A 17-year-old really has no clue at all, absolutely no clue, how much is going to change being a single parent. Life is gonna fucking suck for her for a long time. Situation sucks."
A lot of people thought the daughter was the asshole for assuming her mom would take care of her baby. "Not the asshole. She chose to go through with this pregnancy, and if she is mature enough, in her mind, to be a mom, then she is mature enough to figure out her situation. I don’t mean that you shouldn’t help out when you can, but to assume that you will be always available for her to watch the child while she works is unreasonable and shows how little she has planned for this. It’s definitely a no-win situation, but I don’t think you are being an asshole for asking her to act like an adult," said u/MissKaycie.
People also shared their own experiences being teen moms. "Having been through this myself, the hardest part for your daughter is going to be finding a well-paying first shift job. The sucky part is that most jobs for people this age are service requiring work past 6 p.m. There are very few daycares that are open past 6 p.m. She may be able to get a part-time first shift job during daycare hours, but that won’t pay the bills. This is how women become dependent on men because the easiest solution is to find a boyfriend to help out," said u/Funholiday.
And others shared how deeply people they know have been impacted by having a child who is a teen parent. u/Evil_Mel said, "I have seen my friend go down this road, and she is practically raising her grandson and supporting the parents. It is draining her, emotionally and financially. Your daughter has made her choice to be a parent, which equals being an adult. She will be 18 when the baby is born. Helping her get a job and assistance is all you need to do."
OK, the floor is now open to you. Drop your thoughts on this situation below👇.
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