No matter how hard I try, I always find myself feeling less than as a mother. I am always doing things at the last minute and I often get reminders the day of for my kid's activities and appointments – or, sad to say, after they've already happened. Heck, I'm so scatterbrained I'm lucky if I make it out the door with the same pair of shoes on. Most days I feel like I barely have my own life put together, and it's scary being responsible for another one – one that's way more precious and important than my own. I want to be the best mother I can be, but why is it so hard for me to juggle everything?
The perfect example is every morning when I take my kid to school. After I spend the morning rushing around getting my son ready, feeding him breakfast, and then scrambling around trying to find his shoes, I'm usually flying out the door with yesterday's makeup still on and my hair thrown up in a bun that resembles a turd. Shame comes over me when I see other parents with perfectly combed hair, looking like they had time to meditate, do yoga, and eat a perfectly balanced breakfast that morning. I try to avoid eye contact at all costs because I feel ashamed. Ashamed that I am unable to "keep it all together" like they can. But, I can't.
The hot mess mom is the mom who has to run back into the house at least three times because she forgot something before she leaves to go anywhere. The mom who will likely go to an all day amusement park and forget something important – like diapers. The mom who is usually (OK, always) running late, and the mom who usually (OK, always) has some sort of mystery stain on her shirt.
You know the hot mess mom. She's the mom who can't cook worth crap, so she has to buy things for class parties and bake sales. She's the mom who is so excited she made it to the class play early, only to find out she came on the wrong day. And she is the mom who realizes it's crazy hat day literally as she's pulling up to the school.
So, why do I have to be the hot mess mom? Why is my brain wired just to make my life stressful? Is my kid going to be embarrassed by me when he gets older, or is he already? These are questions I ask myself a lot.
People often joke about being the hot mess mom because our everyday lives are so crazy and hectic, it's funny. I mean, we kind of have to laugh at the ridiculous situations we get ourselves into. But, it isn't always funny in the moment. In those "hot mess" moments, I get stressed, I'm on edge, and I feel like I failed yet again. "Momming" is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and it's horrible to feel like you're failing at it. I don't want to fail my son. I love my son.
And, then, when I least expect it, I get a reminder. A reminder that I have not failed. The reminders come when my son needs me to tuck him in at night, or when he needs a hug from me after he hurt himself. He wants me, and I am always there. I will always be there. I get these little reminders every day, I just have to make myself aware of them. My son doesn't see my shortcomings, he only sees a mom that loves him. And that is not failing at all – no matter how crappy I look dropping him off at school or how many times I've burned the cookies. So, if you're trying your best as a mom, be proud of that – hot mess mom or not.
And don't feel guilty if you sometimes use their ninja turtle cup to drink wine out of after they go to bed.