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23 Utterly Embarrassing Stories About Childbirth That Will Leave You Shook

NSFW.

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We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed community to share the craziest thing that happened to them during childbirth. And. I. Am. Shook.

1. "I kept saying how good it felt to have the doctor's fingers inside me over and over again."

Universal

"My partner told me this happened during our son's birth, but I honestly have no proper memory. Apparently, right before I started pushing, the doctor came to see how dilated I was. As she put her fingers inside me I said, "Oh, that feels so good", in the porniest voice possible. I remember feeling very uncomfortable and sweaty, and the doctor's fingers were very cold, so it was more about being "refreshed" rather than sexually stimulated. Nonetheless, I kept saying how good it felt to have the doctors fingers inside me over and over again while the doctor and nurse would give each other awkward glances. My partner wanted to crawl into a whole and die."

mandelam

2. "I pushed so hard that shit flew out of my butt, right into my husband's mouth, and all over his face."

Warner Bros.

"Our lovely twins are all good, but that was not the last time there was poop in either one of our mouths."

hipsterindisguise

3. "He decided to alleviate his nervousness by proposing to me, mid-push."

quickmeme.com

"My husband (who was just my boyfriend at the time) was nervous because he’s incredibly squeamish about blood. So, he decided to alleviate his nervousness by proposing to me, mid-push."

rhianboscainob

4. "My OB's needle snapped clean off the thread and buried itself inside my freshly assaulted genitals."

Hulu

"Labor and delivery went smooth as silk, but there was significant tearing. Afterwards, while being stitched up, my OB’s needle snapped clean off the thread and buried itself inside my freshly assaulted genitals. One X-Ray and an hour of searching later, the needle was located. All the stitching had to be removed and then redone. My OB thought I might have vaginal reconstruction in my future but luckily I made a full recovery."

bethanyg4e4e66702

5. "The doctor reached inside me all the way up to his elbow (I swear!) and pulled the baby out by his foot."

HBO

"I was having twins, and after vaginally delivering the first one, the doctor did an ultrasound to check the position of the second baby. He shouted at the nurse who then preceded to jump on the bed and push on my stomach while the doctor reached inside me all the way up to his elbow (I swear!) and pulled the baby out by his foot."

—Ilse Nightwalker, Facebook

6. "It's all fun and games until someone turns their vag inside out."

TV Land

"During labor, the pushing turned my vagina inside out. It's called a vaginal prolapse. I thought it was weird when all of a sudden my OB asked four different nurses, who were not caring for me, to check my cervix. They didn't want to freak me out and didn't tell me until after the delivery. I had to stay an extra two days at the hospital with an ice bag between my legs."

devansley

8. "I was sent home with an Ambien to get some rest since I wasn't in active labor. While at home I started to hallucinate that zebras and giraffes were chasing me."

NBC

"I had a bassinet next to bed that had the John Lennon print of little zebras and giraffes. I walked out into the living room, where my mom and little brother were, and stood above my mom and told her, "We have to go back, I cannot live my life like this! 20 plus hours later, I had a beautiful little boy named Blue James."

randeej

9. "My husband got an alert from our cable company that an adult movie had been purchased... by my mom and stepdad."

NBC

"My mom and stepdad offered to stay at our place to watch our cat and take care of things while I gave birth at the hospital. I told them they could use our room because the bed was bigger and it had a TV. About six hours later, well into hard labor, my husband got an alert from our cable company to confirm that an adult movie had been purchased... from our bedroom set box."

jenl0202

10. "Instead of tearing toward my butt like most women, I tore toward my cervix."

CW

"Upon delivery, my doctor started stitching – which I felt was pretty normal – but instead of tearing toward my butt like most women, I tore toward my cervix. I lost a copious amount of blood and ended up with somewhere between 60-100 stitches. I had a full vaginal reconstruction about 7 months later!"

amandakaylovelacep

13. "When my older sister was born, my mom had to have an emergency C-section. They ended cutting open my mom's bladder instead of her uterus."

Fox

"She blacked out from the pain. My sister came out unresponsive, but luckily they were able to revive her."

airjordan200500

14. "I could feel the baby move forward when I was pushing, BUT THEN I COULD FEEL HIM INCH BACK IN when I stopped."

Dimension Films

"Trying to push a baby out is basically the same motion as a snake eating, but backwards. I could feel the baby move forward when I was pushing, BUT THEN I COULD FEEL HIM INCH BACK IN when I stopped. After his little wrong-direction shuffle, I was so angry, I forgot to inhale before I pushed again and I ran out of oxygen halfway through the push. I didn't breathe for a good couple of minutes while I raged the baby the rest of the way out. Honestly, I have no idea why I didn't black out."

mannje

16. "When my husband cut the cord, it comically firehosed a stream of blood across the room."

Comedy Central

“The stream hit all of the nurses straight across their faces, sprayed up the wall of medical machinery, and onto the ceiling.”

erinp12

17. "The doctor didn't show up and the nurses had to deliver my baby! Why you might ask? BECAUSE MY DOCTOR HAD TO DO HER HAIR."

NBC

"The nurses did a great job and my baby came out perfectly healthy. Oh and you know what the worst part was? When the doctor finally arrived (15 minutes after my daughter was born) her hair looked TERRIBLE."

lilyh4df9c594f

19. "I pooped. Twice."

LOGO TV

"My epidural kicked in and the poo just sorta sneaked out. My husband and I had colds and couldn't smell anything, so since I had zero sense of feeling below my waist and no sense of smell, I had no idea what had happened."

juneburgs

20. "I still think about those poor servers who had to clean up the amniotic fluid in the booth."

MTV

"My water broke at Buffalo Wild Wings. It was like out of a movie and totally humiliating. I still think about those poor servers who had to clean up the amniotic fluid in the booth."

kelsit41d7f8011

21. "My doctor barely touched the amniotic sac, and boom! A flood of biblical proportions."

ABC

"So many fluids. Both the OB and her nurse jumped back to avoid being washed away. The loudest rush you would not think to hear came out. And the kicker, when my son emerged, even more fluid came out with him.”

mdeluca1028

23. "Buttgina. 4th degree tear."

youtube.com

"It was not enjoyable. I also vomited and passed out. I tried to tell the nurse I was going to pass out, but since my blood pressure was dropping and I couldn't think correctly, all I managed to say was, "Uh... I see more black than color."

–Kay Kincannon, Facebook

Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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