We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed community to share the craziest thing that happened to them during childbirth. And. I. Am. Shook.
1. "I kept saying how good it felt to have the doctor's fingers inside me over and over again."
2. "I pushed so hard that shit flew out of my butt, right into my husband's mouth, and all over his face."
3. "He decided to alleviate his nervousness by proposing to me, mid-push."
4. "My OB's needle snapped clean off the thread and buried itself inside my freshly assaulted genitals."
5. "The doctor reached inside me all the way up to his elbow (I swear!) and pulled the baby out by his foot."
6. "It's all fun and games until someone turns their vag inside out."
7. My husband loudly said to everyone in the room, "Wow, babe, I didn't know your hemorrhoids were so bad."
8. "I was sent home with an Ambien to get some rest since I wasn't in active labor. While at home I started to hallucinate that zebras and giraffes were chasing me."
9. "My husband got an alert from our cable company that an adult movie had been purchased... by my mom and stepdad."
10. "Instead of tearing toward my butt like most women, I tore toward my cervix."
11. "About 30 seconds after my son came out, my placenta shot out, hit my OB in the face, stuck on the wall behind him, and fell with a splat on the floor."
12. “As I stumbled to get my hospital bag, I left a trail of amniotic fluid which my husband slipped in. Meanwhile, our dog found my amniotic puddles delicious.”
13. "When my older sister was born, my mom had to have an emergency C-section. They ended cutting open my mom's bladder instead of her uterus."
14. "I could feel the baby move forward when I was pushing, BUT THEN I COULD FEEL HIM INCH BACK IN when I stopped."
15. "I went to the bathroom after about a half hour of intense labor and when I pulled down my pants, my baby’s head just came right out!"
16. "When my husband cut the cord, it comically firehosed a stream of blood across the room."
17. "The doctor didn't show up and the nurses had to deliver my baby! Why you might ask? BECAUSE MY DOCTOR HAD TO DO HER HAIR."
18. "During labor with my second child, I told my husband that we should get McDonald's and have a threesome. Epidurals warp the mind."
19. "I pooped. Twice."
20. "I still think about those poor servers who had to clean up the amniotic fluid in the booth."
21. "My doctor barely touched the amniotic sac, and boom! A flood of biblical proportions."
22. "As I was getting stitched up, I farted in the physician assistant's face."
23. "Buttgina. 4th degree tear."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.