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Thoughts Women Have During Vaginal Childbirth

There's so many people around my vagina right now...

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1. I should have shaved my vagina.

HBO

2. I also should have shaved my legs.

Fox

3. Am I going to tear? Like vagina to asshole?

NBC

4. Am I pooping right now?

Universal

5. How the fuck can I only be dilated one more centimeter?!

Showtime

6. Stop telling me I can handle this.

Bravo

7. And tell the nurse to stop asking me 20 questions!

Warner Bros

8. Holy shit, my toe nail polish looks terrible.

TLC

9. I hope they changed the sheets in this bed... and washed this gown.

Hulu

10. This IV is really hurting.

NBC

11. If anyone tells me to "breathe" during this next contraction I swear...

Universal

12. Oh fuck, it hurts. I can't do this.

13. I am literally never having sex again.

We TV

14. What if i get paralyzed from the epidural? How long is that needle again?

NBC

15. I'M SO SWEATY AND I ALSO DGAF.

16. I don't need ICE. I need ALCOHOL.

Bravo

17. I feel like I'm in a zoo. There's so many people looking at my vagina.

Showtime

18. I. Can't. Stop. Pushing. I'm about to shit everywhere!!!

NBC

19. HOLY F@*&$(*&($*RUW(*RU(@#&)$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

20. The baby is out. Oh my gosh, I made dis...

21. ... let's have another.

Fox

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