1.
That, under no circumstances, should you ever buy things full price.
2.
That you're never allowed to talk about being bored.
3.
That there's no such thing as "fair" in this world.
4.
That you should never make silly faces or your face will freeze that way.
5.
That she is the only one who doesn't need to give you a reason for anything she tells you to do.
6.
That the only standards that matter are hers.
7.
And that the only opinions that matter are hers.
8.
That if you don't learn to cook you'll be single forever.
9.
That she understands everything you'll ever go through because "when she was your age" she went through it, too.
10.
That the house must be deep cleaned for hours before company can come over.
11.
That if she doesn't want to take responsibility for your whereabouts, she can blame your father.
12.
And that all your "bad" traits are inherited from your father, too.
13.
That she can provide therapy and advice services free of charge.
14.
That you should never get too upset when you're with her because she can always make things worse.
15.
That eye rolls are forbidden in her presence.
16.
And that she can end your time on earth if you don't follow her rules.
Moms. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
